If you don’t think that Twitter is the best and most entertaining social media platform out there, then you’re wrong. Or you’re just following the wrong people. Or you’re more of an Instagram person (whatever, that’s fine too). We’ve rounded up some of the funniest people to follow if you want to be cackling while you scroll your life away. And they’re all women. Yay!
Incredible foresight for his parents to name him Township Scientist https://t.co/soX3F9UCJf
— lindy (@Lindyyay) September 20, 2017
Lindy Johnson is a breath of fresh air on the South African comedy scene. If you don’t live in Cape Town, where she regularly performs, don’t stress – reading her tweets is a pretty good replacement for going to an actual comedy show.
If someone doesnt match with you instantly on tinder it means they died and their family is too emotional to remove their profile just yet
— lindy (@Lindyyay) September 14, 2017
Did you ever wonder what happened to the cute kid actress who played Matilda in the Matilda movie? Well, she grew up to become really good at tweeting.
The girl who once told me “If I’m not married by the time I’m 30, kill me” got married recently at 29 and WHEW is that a load off my mind
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) September 16, 2017
one day i will own several throw pillows with expressions like “who needs men when you have chocolate” & “wine not” so yes i’m ok with aging
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 29, 2017
Another comedienne you might recognise from Master Of None or as the voice of Hollyhock in BoJack Horseman (that’s that series about a cartoon horse that everyone keeps going on about on Twitter, BTW) is the super-funny Aparna Nancherla.
Hmm, decisions, decisions. I could have a political discussion online OR I could take a bath in bees!!!
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 21, 2017
The Simpsons all had jaundice and none of us gave a shit
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) January 28, 2016
Tamara is a contributor to Buzzfeed and a singer, and also has one of the best Twitter accounts out there.
Lol my mom has fought with so many of her friends that this picture is just of her w/ a bunch of no headed ladies pic.twitter.com/i1AlH3Troz
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 26, 2014
RIP pier morgen. killed by seein a tit. he will be missed by One lady who misheard n thought it was pierce brosnan https://t.co/fyHEJRL848
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 30, 2016
When she’s not writing advice columns for Dazed or finishing up her debut book How To Come Alive Again, Beth McColl is extremely busy lighting up your timeline. She is particularly skilled at taking down Piers Morgan and educating the world on what it’s like to live with mental illness while making us laugh too. Nice.
my kindness is NOT weakness. my patience is NOT permission to be cruel. my shoes ARE glow in the dark but i only found out AFTER i got them
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) October 25, 2016
thought I was having a stroke but I was actually just looking at a keep calm and carry on post in 2017
— candle (@CandaceC_) September 22, 2017
For extremely relatable tweets from a girl with a perfect fringe, follow Candace Campbell.
when the cleaning lady has just wiped the floor but there’s no other way for you to get through pic.twitter.com/f6m8uFH5rx
— candle (@CandaceC_) August 23, 2017
if you think veganism is expensive wait till you see how much money you save after people stop inviting you out with them
— bambi (@theveganqueen) March 23, 2016
Here to destroy the stereotype that vegans are unfunny and annoying is The Vegan Queen. Follow her to inspire you to try swapping the dairy for almond milk or just to, you know, have a laugh.
give a man a fish & you’ll feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you’ll have fishless oceans by 2050
— bambi (@theveganqueen) July 31, 2016
no I took a step back so I would seem smaller. this was purely a simple and selfish move on my part but the discourse here is fantastic https://t.co/iN39XiU3P2
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 16, 2017
Duh. If you’re on Twitter and not following Chrissy Teigen, what are you even doing with your life? Her tweets about John Legend are the only relationship goals worth having and her ability to make fun of herself is inspiring.
Acupuncture is weird you’ll be like “so yes my wrist and neck hurt” and they’re like “ok 1 needle in the butthole and 1 in your inner ear”
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 7, 2017
People who say “knock knock” at your desk that has no door, are the same who use Bluetooth headsets when their hands are free
— Notorious Bogey (@nikijayb) September 5, 2017
Niki’s tweets are some of the most underrated works of art on the Internet. Two Cape Town illustrators agreed, and went so far as to make an entire Tumblr dedicated to illustrating some of her best ones.
“I’m a hugger – it’s just how I am”. I’m a pincher but you don’t see me pinching people I’ve just met, to say hello.
— Notorious Bogey (@nikijayb) May 17, 2017
TODAY’S DEBATE: Should governments deny men and boys access to safe and legal healthcare?
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) September 30, 2017
Well, we can only assume this excellent account that parodies the sexist world we live in is run by a woman. Follow to see how absolutely ridiculous headlines would sound if you replaced the word ‘woman’ with ‘man’.
TODAY’S DEBATE: Has Boris Johnson’s scheming set men in politics back decades?
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) September 19, 2017
fellas, what happens if you *dont* touch a girl on her waist/back when walking past her in the club? do you fall over?
— andie (@____andie) April 28, 2017
When she’s not wasting hours of her life writing tweets in an attempt to make strangers on the Internet laugh, Andie can be found writing articles about funny women on Twitter where she shamelessly promotes her own Twitter account.
him: you have a great sense of humour
me: thanks I developed it as a coping mechanism for being ugly when I was a teenager
— andie (@____andie) June 20, 2017
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