Things You'll Understand if You've Tried Anal Sex

For starters, porn has got it so, SO wrong.

1 Porn has got it so, so, SO wrong

Let’s just get that out of the way first. Porn stars make anal look super easy, like their butts are always ready to go at the drop of their pants. You know what’s going on behind the scenes; you’ve done your research.

2 You’ve got to start small

Yes, it helps if your guy’s package isn’t the size of Long John Big Peen, but you can’t just ram it in and hope for the best or you’re gonna have a bad time. And a very sore booty.

3 Foreplay isn’t optional in booty sex

It’s a necessity. You have to start slowly. It’s like coaxing a critter from its hidey-hole. Except this time you’re coaxing it in. And the critter is a penis.

4 It’s not about bass, or treble, it’s about lube

Even when you think you have enough, you probably don’t.

5 You’re always going to be nervous

It’s a butt after all, and you’re shit scared. It doesn’t matter if your last meal was when you decided to try anal sex last week. It’s never an issue though, and even if something small happens, no one in pound town is gonna be surprised.

6 It feels odd at first

Again, it’s a butt after all. If you’ve got your foreplay figured out it isn’t painful, but something’s going in there instead of out, and even if you prepare properly it takes some getting used to.

7 But it gets better

It’s like when you drink beer for the first time, and it tastes like feet.

8 And better

But somehow his obsession with the stuff gets you intrigued, and you try another.


Okay, you love beer.

10 Until the butt emoji is arousing you

Yes, this one: please stop sending it.

11 Because when it’s good, it’s great

Like, just can’t even great.

Read The Beginner’s Guide to Strap-On Sex

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