The Danger of Differing Sex Drives

How five couples make it work

For people with insatiable sex drives, it can incredibly difficult dating someone who can happily go a few weeks without sex. A Reddit thread addressing the topic revealed some genius advice from long-term couples who have managed to improve the situation. This is how five people navigate a situation which can often be make or break.

1 ‘I generally have a much higher libido than my husband because by the time he gets back from work, he’s just too tired for it. Originally what we did was he would get me off when I was horny, instead of us having sex. But I felt like it was too clinical almost and I started finding it difficult to orgasm. What I really wanted was the closeness and intimacy that comes from having sex. So in the end we ended up settling on me waiting till the weekend to have sex, and that he’d put extra effort in on the days where he wasn’t as tired. It works for us! I’d love to have more sex but I do get a ton of cuddles in the evening which makes up for it.’ – icypops

2 ‘I am always up for sex, he is not. I tend to just have sex when he wants to. He has however showed me the magical world of masturbation and has bought me several wonderful machines who will do the job when he’s unable. It’s pretty neat.’ – Monjara

3 ‘I don’t wait for him to start. I take control and once I do that, he realises he’s pretty damn horny too and then we rock out.’ – figsteav2

4 ‘My wife and I went through a rough patch around sex. The key thing for us was me realising she has “responsive desire”. For the most part, she never thinks about sex, until she is being stimulated. This means a couple things: 1) I always initiate. 2) I have to “work” for it, so to speak. What I mean by number 2 is dropping subtle hints throughout the day. When I get home from work, I’ll do the dishes, rub her feet, etc, and drop hints of making love later (like a hug behind her when she is cooking). I thought my wife hated sex, but it turns out she likes it, but only “in the moment” so to speak.’ – mandalllan

5 ‘Typically, barring a week or so during the month, I simply don’t get horny, while he is up for it more often than not (every other day or so). So we’ve worked on what turns me on: vibrators, reading sexy fiction, and lowering my stress and anxiety. Vibrators when I’m up for it, but my body isn’t yet; reading when I know he’ll be in the mood for it to start getting myself ready; and lowering stress and anxiety helps extend the length of time I’ll stay in the mood. It doesn’t quite even the playing field, but it gets it a hell of a lot closer.’ – notadestination

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