When it comes to relationships, we’re pretty much constantly told to a) communicate with our partners and b) be honest all the time.
Pretty simple, fabulous advice the experts are giving us, isn’t it? While I really do believe that honesty is the best policy, I also believe that there are lovely grey areas best left to each of us that consist of secrets we’re allowed to keep. I mean, they’re not even the dark, dirty fantasies we let flourish at the back of our mind – they’re pretty basic things. But just in case you needed a gentle and loving reminder:
Here are six secrets you’re allowed to keep from your partner
1 Your grooming routine
I’m Greek and, genuinely, I have never had one romantic partner who knew the full extent of my grooming rituals. I am not opposed to body hair on women, so please for the love of God refrain from pegging me as an anti-feminist, but my personal preference is one of hairlessness. Does my partner need to know that one time, in the height of summer, I wore a long-sleeve shirt all day long because I’d run out of wax strips and only managed to wax one of my arms? No, he doesn’t. Does he need to know that my preferred method of moustache removal depends on the humidity in the air? He certainly does not.
These are harmless secrets, and they’re ours to keep.
2 Someone else’s secrets
It should go without saying, but when a friend opens up to you about something private, it should actually remain private. I know it’s almost inevitable to tell your partner pretty much everything, but when it comes to someone confiding in you, it should never be assumed that your partner is privy to the information you are. If a friend tells you something that you’d then like to share with your partner, ask them if that’s okay. But you do not owe your partner the intimate details of another person’s life. They confided in you, not your boo! Keeping someone’s secret safe doesn’t necessarily mean you’re keeping something from your partner.
3 What you do in your downtime
Ah, the mastur-date. Those sweet evenings where you do whatever the damn thing is that you want to do. So you devoured, in one sitting, a large pizza from Dominoes that you swore would constitute your breakfast the next day too. Does this information warrant being shared with literally anyone? No. So you spent your Sunday evening giving your new vibrating bullet a run for its money while basking in the moonlight on your balcony. That’s your delicious secret to keep. However you choose to spend your downtime, as long as you’re not infringing on the rules of your own relationship (you know, cheating and things of that sort), there’s no need to feel like keeping certain things to yourself amounts to a lie.
4 The intimate details of your girls’ weekend
Just as you have every right to protect your own secrets, you have every right to protect the secrets of your friends. If Sarah happened to get white-girl wasted at Palesa’s party and confessed that she had a one-night stand with Angela’s big brother Bill (who happens to be besties with your boo), you’re under no obligation to share this little titbit.
5 Your ‘magic’ number
Other than discussing your sexual health, there’s no need to have conversations around your past sex life that you’re not comfortable with. If you’ve both been tested and are practising safe sex, the number of sexual partners both you and your partner have had doesn’t really matter. It’s like opening a gigantic can of penis worms, in fact. Just don’t do it to yourself.
6 The brutal truth about how you feel about all their family members
Because genuinely, you don’t have to like every single family member of theirs. As much as we’d like to, there are some people we just don’t mesh with, and that’s okay. This being said, sometimes it just makes for smoother sailing to keep certain things to ourselves. Prevent awkward family dinners and vent to your besties about your mother-in-law.
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