Hook-ups so wild they make you wish you had soundproof walls are great fun, but you probably sometimes crave the kind of sex that enhances the emotional and mental closeness between you and your partner. And, although it seems like a no-brainer that intimacy is important, unfortunately, it’s all too often missing in action.
‘People tend to become so focused on the physical mechanics involved in reaching orgasm that they tune out their partner in the process,’ says sex therapist, Joy Davidson, author of Fearless Sex (Quiver). As a result, you may end up feeling disconnected. So, how do you boost the romance? ‘The key to truly sensual sex is engaging with each other at every stage of the action so you feel like you’re a single unit, rather than two separate entities,’ Davidson explains. Here’s how to get there:
Before you start getting down to the business, quickly eliminate clutter – shut all of your cupboard doors, stash junk and, if you live on a busy road, close all the windows. A clean, calm setting will allow you and your boyfriend to focus on each other. Turning the light on in an adjacent room with your door left slightly open will subtly illuminate the room you’re in.
‘Because romantic sex is leisurely, you’re more likely to notice stuff like a crack in the ceiling or a mole on your boyfriend’s shoulder, which can pull you out of the moment,’ says Patti Britton, co-author of The Complete Idiots Guide to Sensual Massage (Alpha). ‘Turning down the lights drops a veil over the setting so your mind won’t be as likely to wander.’ Plus, it’s easier to maintain eye contact with him in dim lighting.