5 Things I Thought at My First Visit to a Sexologist

Where is all the incense?

1 Where is all the incense?


I have no idea why I expected something so … tantric? I thought I’d be wondering into the womb of a cosmic, sexual temptress but actually she is just a wonderful woman in a clinic. TBH, I was relieved. I felt so much more comfortable when the environment didn’t scream that I had to be enlightened or orgasm through sheer force of my mind upon entry.

2 Oh, you can say ‘cock’ somewhere outside of the bedroom during dirty talk

I was so taken aback and then thrilled when my sexologist asked me in all seriousness, if my boyfriend ‘has a nice big cock’. It immediately made me realise I could tell her absolutely anything. She has heard it all ALL before. It’s kinda like when you go for a long-overdue pedicure and have to remind yourself that that nail technician has ‘seen worse’. It’s liberating to speak freely with someone whose job is sexual health.


3 There should really be no stigma around visiting a sexologist – considering so many women have sexual disorders or issues

When we break an arm, we head to the hospital. When we have the flu, we go to the doctor. There is absolutely no reason why we shouldn’t improve our sex lives with the help of a professional.

4 I am my own worst enemy at times

Despite the fact that I write about sex and, quite frankly, wake up with dick on my brain most days, am I honest enough with my self and my partner about my sexuality? I found speaking openly about sex with a sexologist made it so much easier to approach the topic outside of her office.

5 We need to change the way we think about STDs

Meaning, we need to stop judging those who have them because they are KAK COMMON. I realised, after I grimaced when the topic of herpes arose, that I should really learn more about it instead of judging people who have it. My sexologist laid down some stats for me and said, ‘The next time you’re having lunch with a group of girlfriends, look around the table. At least two of them have herpes and haven’t told you.’ I felt like a supreme asshole and considered how damaging it is to people’s sex lives when we contribute to keeping stigmas alive.

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