Whether it’s changing a flat or reaching for something on a high shelf, doing favours for you makes men feel useful and strong. But there are some things no guy wants to do…ever.
HOLD YOUR PURSE
When a guy awkwardly clutches a handbag, it’s like he’s cradling his amputated… ego. Yes, holding a handbag is like stamping ‘Whipped’ on his forehead in big red letters, and other men are obligated to ridicule him.
‘I was at a state fair with my girlfriend recently when she handed me her black patent-leather bag with big, shiny zippers on it so she could go to the bathroom,’ remembers Skip*, 25. ‘As soon as she left, a Larry the Cable Guy look-alike shouted "Nice purse, brother!" and everyone looked at me and laughed.’
MEET YOUR EX
We understand that you have a romantic past, but don’t expect us to want to have a beer with it. Meeting your ex just makes us think of you doing your ex, which sends us into chest-thumping, alpha-male mode.
‘At a party, my girlfriend kept making me talk to her varsity ex, like she was trying to set us up,’ explains Matt, 32. ‘It devolved into our loudly one-upping each other with movie-quote knowledge. We looked like idiots.’
If a meeting is unavoidable, make small talk (please, no reminiscing) and then excuse us ASAP.
HELP OUT YOUR FRIENDS
We understand that impressing your pals is part of the job, but we didn’t sign on to be on-call errand boys.
‘After my girl’s friend broke up with her guy, I helped her move, I killed a mouse, I listened to her whine about her ex,’ complains Arjun, 27. ‘It was like being a sexless boyfriend… and she developed some twisted crush on me.’ See? We’re so lovable you should keep us all to yourself.
GO TO A PILATES CLASS
Couples Pilates classes are becoming more and more popular, while couples counselling rates continue to climb. Coincidence? We think not. ‘My girlfriend dragged me to a class. It was all women who looked at me like I’d just walked into their locker room,’ moans Dan, 29. Spending time on a Reformer is a sure way to make any man surly and self-conscious. And we can think of far better ways to work up a sweat together.
*Name has been changed.