It’s not always easy to tell whether a guy has just told you a white lie or not. And while it’s not entirely the end of the world if he has, it is annoying that you aren’t being told the absolute truth. Learn to read the signs of the little white lie:
‘When men lie they usually begin by protesting too much when confronted,’ says Dr. Diane Preddy, a counselling psychologist. They begin repeating themselves, and, according to Imago relationship therapist, Kobus van der Merwe, you can only repeat the truth. ‘It’s not humanly possible to consistently repeat a lie,’ says van der Merwe. ‘If what he’s saying doesn’t making sense, he is probably lying.’
Always trust your instincts. ‘Your intuition or inner voice is usually an indicator if your partner is lying or not,’ says clinical psychologist Louise Wessels. ‘If you experience discomfort, trust it because it’s a protective mechanism of the psyche that warns you of imminent danger to yourself, your relationship and/or a violation of your boundaries. However, in order to trust yourself, you need to know yourself. Otherwise you may be guilty of projecting your own insecurities onto your partner and falsely accuse him of lying.’
Look out for uncharacteristic changes in your man’s behaviour. ‘Discomfort together with a change of behaviour is a good indicator of lying,’ says Wessels. ‘If there are drastic changes in your partner’s behaviour, there is usually a good reason for it. He may be hiding something.’
BODY LANGUAGE BELLS
You don’t need a darkened room and a lie detector – simply be aware of his body language. Look out for subtle signs like blushing, nervousness, a dry mouth, whether he’s keeping eye contact with you, fiddling with his hands or licking his lips, says Wessels. ‘Body language indicators never lie.’
We all know communicating is an integral part of a relationship. ‘Lying is a form of unhealthy communication,’ says van der Merwe. ‘Good communication increases understanding and always lets you feel connected, even if you talk about uneasy subjects. If there is a lie, you feel confused, angry and sad.’ Be alert if you feel all three at the same time.
‘If he starts giving unnecessary information or detail and it begins to sound like a fantasy, it is a fantasy!’ says Wessels. ‘Ask yourself: is he trying to convince you of something? Why? What will he gain from it?’
‘It’s easier to tell the truth to someone who trusts you than to someone who doubts you,’ says van der Merwe. ‘Lying is a sign that the relationship is in an emotionally dangerous zone. You’ll both need to recreate the safety in trusting and telling the truth.’
It’s also extremely important to remember that every guy and circumstance is different. So while you think he might be fibbing, he may actually be telling the truth. Not every scenario is the same and needs to be dealt with on a case by case basis.