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Is It Ever Okay To Get Back Together?

Think you have a chance of a re-run with your ex? Maybe you should just run-run. Now!

‘We did break up for a reason, right?’ asks Topanga Lawrence in Boy Meets World. ‘Yeah, we did,’ responds Cory Matthews. ‘And that reason was…?’ ‘So we could get back together.’

Related: TV Couples That Really Should Have Ended Up Together

It’s a seductive idea and one we’ve all wanted to believe in at some time in our lives: that we could get another chance with a very special guy and this time around, all the reasons we broke up in the first place would simply cease to matter. But that’s not really how it goes, is it?

Because, no matter how much you want to give it another go, no matter how much personal growth you or he may have embarked upon since you split up, no matter how much time has passed and how different your current circumstances are now, there’s one simple fact that you, as a couple, will never be able to entirely shake off. It might haunt both of you, it may unnerve only you, or it may niggle at his mind exclusively, but that matters little. What matters is that it will never, ever entirely be banished.

You see, you have the evidence and there can be no doubt: at least one of you, at some point, didn’t want to be with the other. At least one of you, at one time, wanted to get the hell out. At least one of you, at some time, simply didn’t care enough or stopped caring altogether. At least one of you was betrayed. At least one of you, stopped loving. Your innocence is lost because, who is to say that would not happen again? happen again?

Related: It’s Called A Break-Up Because It’s Broken

Now, if this were paranoia or mere suspicion, you might be able to passably live with it. But it is an undeniable and established fact, probably a fact that caused at least one of you enormous pain, and as a couple you will never forget it. Whether it haunts both of you equally doesn’t hugely matter. Even if it unnerve just  you, or niggles only at his mind , it’s here to stay and the thing that makes all the difference this time around is that this knowledge will never, ever entirely be banished.

Sure, when things are going well, especially in the early days of reconnection, it may be so quiet that you aren’t sure it’s there at all. But the moment there’s a fight or an issue of any kind of significance, this nasty knowledge nugget will be anything but silent. And so will the other unforgettable gem: you broke up for a reason, and chances are, it was so not in order to get back together.

Related: Get Over Him, Damnit!

 

HERE’S WHY YOU BROKE UP? DON’T RE-RUN. RUN-RUN!

1. He became verbally, emotionally or physically abusive.

2. His behaviour was unpredictable and erratic: you were never sure which ‘him’ you’d be getting.

3. He openly and unashamedly played extreme ogle with other women while you were out together.

4. He made your friends uncomfortable by inappropriately flirting with them.

5. He made a habit of embarrassing you in public.

6. He had a substance abuse problem and without fail, prioritised it above you.

7. He had a pattern of letting you down and you realised,you’d never, ever, be able to rely or depend on him for anything.

 

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