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5 Thoughts We All Have on a Weekend Away with Our Partner

How TF do I poo in peace?

Whether you’re catching a plane or driving 30 minutes away, there’s nothing better than a weekend away with your partner. Here are 5 thoughts we all inevitably have.

1 If we don’t leave right now, we’re going to be late for our flight / check-in at the hotel / scheduled bathroom break

Find me a couple who has the same relationship with time management and I’ll show you a happy reunion between Rob and Blac Chyna. Whether you’re the one who takes your sweet time or your partner is, someone is bound to dissolve into a puddle of worry about being late while the other person repeats, ‘Chill, it’ll be fine.’

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2 We’re going to have, like, the most sex ever

Which you do, kinda… But with weekends away comes copious amounts of wine and too much food. So sure, maybe you’ll have some linguine and Merlot fueled sex, or maybe you’ll make use of the hotel bed in other ways and sleep for 12 hours straight because you’re on holiday and why not.

3 I want to move in with my boo

If you are used to living separately, there’s nothing like a few solid days and nights to make you wish you lived together. Getting back home and climbing into bed without your partner in orgasm and Netflix is kinda heartbreaking.

4 Huh… look at that one weird habit he has

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Has he always swallowed water so loudly / applied his moisturiser like a clumsy baby / sung so much in the shower? Going away with your boo is like peeking behind a curtain and into their soul / bathroom habits. But even if their ‘thing’ is odd, you’ll probably find it endearing and feel more bonded by the fact that you’ve seen them clip their toenails or some such thing. Love is nice and weird, guys.

5 How the actual fuck do I get them to leave so I can go to the bathroom in peace?

You’ll try many a tactic until you realise that the most effective one is simply saying, ‘Hey, *insert term of endearment*, I love you so much but please go away for like, 10 minutes.’ Then they’ll be all, ‘Where? What do you mean?’ and you’ll be all, ‘I don’t care where, I just need you to go.’ While you say this last part, you’ll want to side-eye the bathroom door and then stare at them until they understand you. Which they will, eventually.

via GIPHY

10/10 recommend this method. TRIED AND TESTED BY ME.

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