After you get engaged, you’re both going mad with excitement and planning all the wedding details – venue, decor, the dress, food, guest list, etc – that you may forget to ask each other some vital (and sometimes tough) questions before you get married. Psychotherapist Michael Batshaw, author of Saying “I Do”: The Essential Guide To A Successful Marriage, specialises in relationship issues. ‘I think one of the biggest problems that people have is they get so pulled into the emotion that they feel towards each other – that kind of honeymoon period that we talk about – that they rush into marriage sometimes without considering these pragmatic things that can make them step off on the right foot,’ he said in an interview on The 10! Show.
Here is some helpful advice from Batshaw:
‘A lot of couples are afraid of conflict,’ he says. ‘They feel like if we have problems in our relationship it means we’re incompatible and doomed to fail in some way.’ You need to both LISTEN to each other and understand where you’re both coming from.
‘[You have to ask], “Do you have any debt that I should know about if we’re going to be building a life together?” and second of all, “What are our shared goals?”’
‘If you feel it, SAY it.’ If something is bugging you regarding your upcoming marriage, talk about it!
Watch his full interview:
Here are 13 essential questions you need to ask each other before you tie the knot:
1. What can we both offer financially (depending on our salaries)?
2. Should we get a prenup?
3. Should we have joint or separate accounts?
4. Who will pay for what (rent/rates and levies, cleaning services, pet care, groceries/household items, home maintenance, etc)?
5. How much money can we both save each month?
6. What would happen if one of us got retrenched? How would we deal with the loss of income?
7. How will we delegate household chores?
8. Do you want children (and the reasons behind your decision)?
9. If you do want children, how many do you want and when should we start trying for a baby?
10. If either of us wants space (spending time with friends, for example), will that be okay?
11. Are we both satisfying each other sexually?
12. Will you make an effort to be romantic (go on dates and keep up the romancce)?
13. Do you share the same long-term goals as me (travel, lifestyle, our home, etc)?