When it comes to stalking your BF’s ex, don’t pretend like you haven’t done it: following her on IG, drunkenly friending her on Facebook, learning her number plate and car make off by heart so you know if you’re about to bump into her… okay, that last’s one a little extreme. But I bet you’ve done at least one of these, right? Find out whether your habit is just harmless fun or a whole lot of unhealthy, here.
Following her on IG
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? Here at the COSMOPOLITAN office, we’re pretty evenly split on whether it’s a good idea to follow your BF’s ex, or to avoid and ignore totally. On one hand: nice to know what she’s up to, and maybe you’ll go from frenemies to actual friends. On the other hand: ignorance is bliss.
Either way, it seems pretty common to follow her on IG – c’mon, we’re all following all kinds of people, from your BFF’s mom to reality stars. Just as long as you’re not checking his ex’s profile every time you log on, okay?
Stalker Scale: 3/10
Drunkenly Friending Her On Facebook
It’s 3am, you’re drunk, and of course, you’re stalking her FB profile. As you scroll down, your tequila-driven finger slips over the ‘Add’ button and – bam! – you realise you’ve just friend-requested her. Cue a pang of horror and then a chaotic scramble to try and undo the incriminating action. Now she knows you’ve been watching her. And worse, she knows you care that she’s your BF’s ex. And that you care about it when you’re drunk, in the early hours of the morning.
You can cancel a friend request (FYI she’ll still get a notification of your initial friend request. Trust me, we tested this one out at the office). But with this one it’s about choosing whether to do a full-scale evacuation and then pretend like the friend-request mishap never happened, or biting the bullet and being up-front about following her. If you do decide to stick with the friend request, maybe limit how much of her activity comes up on your newsfeed. And then never open FB when you’re drunk again, ever.
Stalker Scale: 7/10 – Facebook friending is much more
stalkerish intimate than a subtle IG follow.
Double-Tapping On a Past Pic Of Her With Your BF
You thought you were just casually scrolling through, your phone thought you were double-tapping – and now you just hearted her pic. Eeek. Except, is this really so bad? Aside from letting her know that you’re looking at her feed, there’s no irreparable damage done. Maybe she’ll be flattered? Just don’t go making this mistake on every one of her IG posts… now that’d be weird!
Stalker Scale: 4/10 – it’s clear she’s on your radar, but it’s only creepy if you start double-tapping on everything she posted since 2015.
Accidentally Putting Her Name As Your Status, Instead Of Into The Search Bar
This has actually happened to someone on the COSMOPOLITAN team. For real. All you can do is hit ‘delete’ as fast as humanly possible and pray no one saw it.
Stalker Scale: 10/10
Look, she’s not interviewing with you for a job – so, why? And if you do find some juicy dirt on her, what exactly are you planning to do with it? Just stop. Step away from the computer, and go back to living (and loving) your life.
Stalker Scale: 7/10
Friending Her Friends
Again, I ask you: what do you plan to achieve by this? It’s one thing wanting to know about ex partners, but moving from stalking her to stalking her friends is a bit like graduating from filling your shopping cart with dream buys from Net-A-Porter to hitting ‘checkout’ with your eyes closed and your credit card out. Before you know it, you’re kinda screwed. (That escalated quickly.)
Also, you’re widening your ex obsession to more than just one girl, which means it’s more likely to become all-consuming = super unhealthy.
Stalker Scale: 9/10
The bottom line: knowing every move, outfit and vacay trip of your BF’s ex isn’t particularly helpful or healthy. After all, what do you have to gain – stabs of jealousy whenever she posts a hot AF selfie? Besides, there’s nothing you can do to go back in time. Also: he’s with you now, isn’t he? Onwards and upwards!