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How Cum: The Game-Changing Podcast That's Teaching Women How to Orgasm

We spoke to its creator Remy Kassimir.

I’ve only ever had one orgasm in my life. In my 25 years. One. Believe me, please, when I say that this is not for lack of trying. After all, I’m a sex writer for Cosmopolitan, I have access to phenomenal experts who have spent countless hours sharing their wisdom with me, so that I can, in turn, share it with you. I’ve been given sex toys to review on the way out of the office and I’ve dedicated entire days online researching wildly in an effort to answer the question, ‘So, what’s new in sex?’

Truthfully, there are some new things in sex. There will always be. The resurgence of an old position will call for your same leg to be bent into a new angle, we’ll slap a new, witty name on it, and there you’ll have it: something new in sex. But to be honest, I believe many women (myself included) are less concerned about what’s new in sex. Rather, we’re desperate to answer one age-old question: Why the f*ck am I not cumming?

I feel I can pretty confidently identify the reason I’m not reaching orgasm (by myself or with a partner). It involves a history of sexual abuse which even after its documentation in a memoir still manages to sneak in and mess me up before going into hiding again for a few days at a time. I’m certain that these things are related because the one orgasm I have had occurred at what can only be described as a goddamn inopportune time – at the exact moment when my abuser happened to pop into my head during some perfectly average sex with my teenage boyfriend.

Nonetheless, I persist. I talk about our sex, my body, and the pursuit of my orgasm with my current partner often and openly. I masturbate furiously. I do it while I watch porn, I do it while I read Literotica, I do it in the bathtub. I masturbate while Harvey Specter wreaks delicious havoc in my living room because I’m testing the theory that focusing on Suits rather than my fear that an orgasm will never arrive will, well, help the orgasm arrive. It’s understandable then, that when my boyfriend learned about a podcast called How Cum on an episode of Explained on Netflix, he called me in a hot second. ‘Baby, there’s this 28-year-old American comedian whose podcast is dedicated to the fact that she’s never had an orgasm, and she’s pissed about it. You should watch it.’

And so I did, and then I downloaded the podcast, and I spent the next week in fits of laughter while driving to work, volume up high. Remy Kassimir, the genius behind How Cum is a breath of fresh air. She is frank, hysterical, and a fabulous shotgun companion in my tiny red car. She is the personification of the conversation women should have started having with their friends a long time ago. Because not only did she manage to hustle her way to her first orgasm within the first few episodes of her show, but she’s prompted many first orgasms in the women who listen to How Cum, too.

At the start of the podcast, the episode’s guest would give Kassimir an assignment to do during the next week. The instructions ranged from watching porn to visiting a therapist and gynecologist and confirming that indeed, she does have a clitoris and it functions just fine.

 

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I just got off a Skype call with Remy – The Orgasm Whisperer, if you will (which based on the interaction I just had with her, I assume Remy wishes I wouldn’t – oops), and it seems her visit to the gynecologist was more worthwhile than she could have anticipated.

‘All of the assignments were really important to me. But I think the most important one was my doctors’ visits because I got the opportunity to see a therapist and a gynecologist and see if there was some psychological weirdness with me that was the block, or if my anti-depressants were maybe getting in the way of my sex drive.’

While I’ll forever advocate the benefits of regular visits to gynecologists and other specialists, I can’t help but wonder why women are dishing out some serious money for reassurance that our anatomy is normal, while men have been climaxing merrily since around the time they first discovered their pubic hair. I know that in part, it’s because the narrative around female and male masturbation varies wildly and many of us as girls never even spoke about it to our best friends.

But what has alarmed me in my own life was how often as an adult I lied to these very same friends about the fact that I couldn’t cum. This resonates with Remy. ‘Same. That’s why I think I had to start the podcast – because my friends and I weren’t having open enough conversations. We would be talking about “boys” constantly, but not actually talking about our own pleasure. It would be more, “I got this guy”, versus “I had this toe-curling orgasm.”

And this is how, on Christmas day 2017 when How Cum was launched, many of Remy’s friends learned that she wasn’t cumming while at church. ‘It was a real shock to everyone. A lot of girls that I was actually very close with wrote me saying, “Me too!”, which was mind-blowing to me. I was very comforted when I announced it – I felt a lot more camaraderie than I was expecting.’

‘It would be more, “I got this guy”, versus “I had this toe-curling orgasm”‘

Listening to the episode where Remy announces her first orgasm felt like hearing church bells chime. It is possible. I literally held my breath while she and her guests celebrated, scared I’d miss the moment where she disclosed which assignment it was exactly that tipped her over the edge. Except it wasn’t an assignment. It was the result of a conversation she’d had with a friend about a new sex toy, the Womanizer.

Let us skate over how awful this name is, please – it is not lost on me I promise. But frankly, we have bigger fish to fry. The Womanizer utilises some pretty new technology which pulsates air around the clitoris, without ever actually making contact with it. Because of this, there’s none of that dreaded clit-burn to contend with, where you rub yourself into a state so lousy, so sensitive, that you beg your clit for forgiveness and swear you won’t so much as look at it for the next week. I say this confidently because a month before listening to the podcast, I’d bought a toy that boasts the same technology without the lousy name: The Satisfyer Pro 2. Remy knows what I’m talking about – she’s quite a fan of this brand herself. ‘I use the travel Satisfyer and it just like, sucks the orgasms out of my body. It’s like an orgasm dementor.’

Solo-sex aside, Remy’s orgasms are now rife during sex with her boyfriend too. A man who she thanked just this morning while celebrating her first sold-out live show for his support during the whirlwind of this podcast’s success.

‘If I had been dating one of my former judgemental boyfriends or someone who didn’t care about my pleasure or somebody who was going to get embarrassed and think that this would be seen as a reflection on them, they never would have been so encouraging with me starting this podcast,’ she explains. ‘He helped me so much just by allowing me to be myself.’

 

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While there are women like me who have been masturbating intensely for a long time chasing the pot of female ejaculate at the end of the rainbow (and who, like me, will continue to do so), Remy wasn’t one of them until How Cum gently insisted she become one.

‘I guess I didn’t have a sex life with myself before. I was always looking for sexual pleasure with guys. I thought you needed a dude in the room get off,’ Remy says now as though the idea in itself is ridiculous.

‘Whereas now, most of my best orgasms happen when I’m alone. I hate to sound hippy-dippy but it’s like real self-love and self-appreciation. It’s about learning your body and it’s been great for me because I can take what I’ve learned today while masturbating and then tell my boyfriend about it tonight.’

If this sounds daunting, it shouldn’t. We should all be with partners who are as dedicated to our pleasure as we are to theirs. If you’re not sure what that looks like, Remy paints a beautiful picture. ‘I go to him and I’m like, “Hey I’m really excited about this thing I did, could you do it for me too?” and actually, yeah he can, and he’s happy to learn because he wants me to get off.’

Remy goes on to tell me that her latest exploration in the bedroom has lead to her boyfriend licking her across her boobs. ‘It’s a thing.’

Start listening to How Cum right now here or on Spotify, and take a peek into Remy’s life by following her on Instagram and Twitter.

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