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Face Sitting: What It Is and Why People Get Off on It

‘I imagine them watching my vagina coming towards their face ominously.’

‘Wanna sit on my face one time?’ my girlfriend asked me the other day in bed, post-shag. It wasn’t the first occasion on which the horny b*tch had brought it up (she’s an Aries, those guys just don’t let things go). And it wasn’t the first time I’d replied with a full-body shiver and a, ‘Nooooo, it grims me out but I don’t know why.’

I mean, I’ve done it loads of times in the past with male partners, and I enjoy being eaten out as much as the next guy. I’d also very happily have her ride my face to her little heart’s content. But the thought of me being the sitter? It makes my butthole go all squiffy. Then she cracked it: ‘It is a very dominant position, and you’re submissive’. And, yeah. Looking back to the glory days when I was young and a pro sitter of faces, I was also a bit more confident and commanding during sex. Weirdly, as I’ve approached (and passed) 30, I’ve found myself becoming a lot less dominant. Hello, hang-ups my old friends! It turns out I am, fundamentally, just not a face sitter anymore.

In a desperate attempt to make peace with that – sex is my job, I feel like a failure, a FRAUD – I asked a sex therapist to explain the psychology of face sitting. And I got fans and haters to share their ~opinions~ on the sex act.

Firstly, what even is face sitting?

Let’s be real, the name is pretty damn self-explanatory, but to avoid any confusion: face sitting is where one person sits on another’s face. In a sexy way. We’re talking genital-to-face contact here. We’re talking delightfully, smotheringly intimate oral sex. In a bunch of laughably misogynist changes to porn laws in 2014, face sitting (along with squirting, yet weirdly not ejaculation from a penis?!) was banned. Fortunately, these bullshit rules were finally overturned earlier this year.

The sitter or sittee can be anyone, of any gender identity, anatomy or sexuality. It can also be known as Queening if the sitter identifies as female, or Kinging if they identify as male.

As psychosexual and relationship therapist, and sex expert at LELO Kate Moyle explains, ‘Face sitting is most commonly used by couples just as another position for oral-genital contact and oral sex, and for some it can create what feels like a change in the power dynamic.’

While there are many, varied reasons why people enjoy being on both ends, Kate says for women and people with clitorises, it can be all about the pleasure. ‘For most women [and people with vulvas] clitoral stimulation provides the most intense form of pleasure and highest probability of orgasm – and this is a position which offers direct stimulation.

‘For some there may be an attraction to the shift in being in control, or being more out of control. And there can be a real sense of the erotic when the focus is on pleasing one partner, for both the receiver and the giver.’

‘All I’m thinking about is whether I’m smothering your face’- says Almara, 29

‘Personally, I’ve always been very opposed to face sitting. While I’ve had the request from many a men, many a time, I just don’t find pleasure in it. For one, all I’m thinking about is whether I’m smothering your face with my vagina (can you breathe under there?) And it’s the worst possible angle I could imagine someone staring up at me [from]. However, an ex of mine very much liked it, so I did it for him a few times. He soon realised it wasn’t pleasurable for me and so we switched to the “usual” missionary-style oral sex position.’

‘The set-up to get in position is not glamorous’ – says Beth, 22

‘I always used to hate face sitting and I found it really vulgar because I associated the act with men who are complete bellends. “Sit on my face” is such a line from creepy Tinder men, or lads on the pull in clubs, and it always seemed like a demeaning act to me. I’m also a submissive, so I tend to always be the one who’s being pinned or sat on. I’m much more comfortable being dominated than I am dominating another person.

‘However, I love sitting on someone’s face if it’s a 69, because it feels balanced (and they’re just super fun). I have had a couple of successful face sits, but I have to be possessing such a specific kind of confidence to deliver that it doesn’t happen too often! Also face sitting is super weird to me because I imagine the sittee is watching my vagina coming towards their face ominously. The set-up to get in position is not glamorous and more of an elaborate sex scaffolding.’

‘Insecurity used to stop me – now I like to be sat on’ – says Jake, 26

‘Personally I like to be the one that’s sat on. I love that idea of being able to give pleasure to someone, and because I tend to have conversations about it before it happens, I think the whole dom/sub dynamic kind of goes away. In terms of sitting, I’ve had people that have asked me to do it to them, but insecurity used to stop me. I mean it’s hardly the best angle! But recently I’ve become more confident, and now it’s something I enjoy doing as well. Obviously personal hygiene is important!

‘Basically, I used to be terrified of anything rimming-related. I remember being 18 and fully ready to eat out my partner (I bought chocolate sauce and a Lush massage bar to “set the mood”) but when I actually got down there and saw his arsehole up close, I freaked myself out. Fast forward a few years and I love it. All it took was someone to try it on me first and show me how amazing it could feel, after that I instinctually wanted to return the favour. I’ve never looked back!’

‘It’s about ensuring maximum pleasure for her’ – says Mark*, 35

‘I’m a big fan of face sitting, which is part and parcel of having a deep love for giving oral pleasure to women. I can’t say I’ve ever sat on a woman’s face. I’ve never been with a woman who’s shown any interest in rimming me. I guess for me, a woman sitting on my face gives her the same control as when she’s riding cowgirl – she can control where the pressure goes, she can grind, and easily switch between clit, lips or ass-sucking. For me it’s about ensuring maximum pleasure for her rather than any kind of submissive behaviour on my part.’

‘I’m too self-conscious to come that way’ – says Holly*, 26

‘I find the idea of face sitting way sexier than the actual act. I’m always too self-conscious in that position to actually come. I’m thinking about my tummy or my double chin, and just can’t lose myself in the moment.

‘Also, I don’t think a lot of men are skilled in altering how they go down on you for that position. Somehow, it just doesn’t work. Having a girl sit on your face, however? Delightful.’

‘It drives me insane’ – says Tom*, 29

‘The submissive feeling it gives of being in a position where your only capability is to offer pleasure is incredible. The beauty of a vagina right in front of my face, the noises from my partner as I pleasure her, and the increasing pressure she applies to my tongue using her body weight as she edges closer to climax drives me insane. When she’s feeling a little extra and she angles her body to invite me to pleasure her arse. Wow!’

‘As a disabled person with unstable hips, it’s uncomfortable’- says Eve, 25

‘It’s so uncomfortable as a disabled person with unstable hips. I’ve mainly tried it straddling my partner’s face, and that position puts a lot of pressure on my knees, and back, and I can’t relax into it. I’ve tried actually sitting on a past partner, but I didn’t feel comfortable that I wasn’t smushing them – and I felt very unbalanced.’

Honestly, chatting to these legends has kind of turned me on. I’ve decided to take Beth’s advice and try easing into it with a 69 – something I just suggested to my girlfriend who replied, ‘Possibly best text I’ve ever received. Very up for.’ Will report back shortly.

This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan UK

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