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Boytox: the New Botox

No flirting, kissing, obsessing or any other kind of man dallying.


It’s more of a fast than a jab: no flirting, kissing, obsessing or any other kind of man dallying. And it can rejuvenate you.

Even if the last thing you’re looking for is a serious relationship, it’s exhausting being single. The pressure always to be ‘on’ and ‘out there’ is huge.

Dating, flirting, hooking up, updating statuses and profiles, Internet dating and ‘friends doing time but also thinking and stressing time. FOMO is a factor: dating wisdom still holds that ‘you never know who you could meet, ‘you have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince’ and ‘say “yes” to all invitations’.

So why did I decide to risk romantic suidice and do dating’s cold-turkey equivalent?

I call it my Meredith Moment because the epiphany came while I was watching an old episode of Grey’s Anatomy. ‘Enough!’ said Meredith. ‘This is not dating! I want moonlight and flowers and candy, and people trying to feel me up… – Damn it, I want to feel like a freaking lady!’

Unlucky in Love

Perhaps its gravitas was linked to watching it after a ‘hot date’ had turned into another ‘meh’ one. But most definitely, Meredith’s wisdom was made all the more weighty by my plucking my eyebrows while watching. My forehead lines seemed deeper – and were those dark rings under my eyes? Could they be related to the dating doldrums?

Looking for hard evidence, I scrolled through my phone. The proof was ample. A Nordic drummer I met years ago was in town and wanted to meet, saying he’d never forgotten our ‘sexxxy connexxxion’. Another dude had sent several reasons why he was unavailable and I unsuitable, but then many more invitations to join him and his buddy in an MMF threesome. The correlation was unavoidable. My love karma was in malfunction meltdown. And if it showed in my face, what was it doing to my psyche or other areas of my life?

Switched Off but Turned On

I needed a break, if only to raise my barrel-bottom standards. I chucked men in, there and then. I saw and spoke on the phone to long-standing friends who happen to have penises, of course. But I went on no more dodgy dates, and I left the dating sites. If I were a Bluetooth device, my setting was on ‘undiscoverable’: I turned off my (m)antenna so successfully, I didn’t even register overt moves being made on me.

It was fantastic. I became ruthlessly honest and didn’t care who thought me rude. I spent time alone, and more of it walking my dogs and seeing friends than I had in a while.

A month later, I couldn’t say I’d established better ‘standards’. But just one week in I had noticed an unexpected side effect. ‘Your skin is looking great,’ friends remarked. After a month, they asked if I’d had a lunch-time jab. But it wasn’t Botox – it was boytox. You should try it!

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