And The Truth Comes Out… (Part One)

Unbelievable acts of idiocy… once again.

Unbelievable acts of idiocy… once again.

She Was Speechless
‘A bunch of my friends were dancing at a club while I was sitting with my extremely shy friend. I tried to convince him to head out to the dance floor, but he kept saying it was awkward to go up and start grinding a girl. I told him to watch me so he could see how easy it was. I spotted two hot girls and decided to make my move. I went to put my arm around one of them, and she suddenly took a huge step back and said, "I don’t speak English" in a totally South African way. Her friend looked at my friend and said, "Neither do I". The worst part is that the girls didn’t even laugh – they just gave us dirty looks and walked away. My friend’s confidence was shot for the rest of the night.’
– Brian*, 30

Peter Parker Poser
‘One night at varsity, I dressed up as Spiderman for a themed party. I looked ridiculous, but I managed to work my charm and went home with a cute girl. The next morning I realised I had nothing to wear home except for my skin-tight red and royal blue getup. I knew I would have to make a run for my flat, which was on the other side of campus. When I was halfway, I noticed my chemistry professor walking directly toward me. I casually said "Hi" and kept walking. He gave me a puzzled look and shook his head. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t make eye contact with him during class for the rest of the course.’
– Gary*, 23

Exposing Himself
‘I logged on to Skype and got attacked by my friend Chris, who immediately wrote "You’re such an asshole. I know you hooked up with my ex." I denied it up and down and then called my other friend to tell him all about it. I went into detail about the awesome sex we had… just before realising that I had dialled Chris’s number by mistake.’ – Ryan*, 26

Gender Offender
‘One night, I went out with a bunch of friends and acquaintances. There was a very attractive girl I’d never met before. We started to chat, and after I told her about my job, she explained that her girlfriend worked in the same industry. Since she used the term girlfriend, I figured she was lesbian and felt no attraction toward me. As the night went on, the stories among the group became more R-rated. After hearing a few of my own embarrassing sex stories, any stranger would think of me as a sexually illiterate man. All of a sudden, the new girl spoke up and talked about having the most out-of-control sex with her ex-boyfriend. I just sat there in shock because I had disclosed my most embarrassing sex stories thinking that I had no shot with her.’
– Njabulo*, 24

Mile-High Reject
‘One time, I took a five-hour flight and there was this really good-looking girl in my assigned window seat. I was so mesmerised that I took the middle seat instead. I ended up buying her a drink, and we had an amazing conversation. When the plane landed I asked for her number, but she told me she didn’t have a cell phone. I believed her until we got to baggage claim and her phone rang.’
– Vincent*, 31

U R Sooo Burned
‘One of my friends always tries to make fun of me in front of our friends. I finally got so fed up that I decided it was time to get him back. He asked if he could borrow my laptop to write an essay because his was getting fixed. When I got my computer back, I saw that he had been on Facebook and had forgotten to log out. He’d been messaging the girl he’d been pursuing for weeks, and the last thing she had typed was ‘I think you’re cute.’ So I typed ‘To be honest, I’m just not that into you.’ That night, we went to a party, and the girl was there. He tried to approach her, but she completely gave him the cold shoulder. I never fessed up, and he’s still confused as to why she suddenly stopped talking to him.’
– Craig*, 21

*Names have been changed

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