An Expert's Guide to Knowing If You Should Make Up or Break Up

Are your sure your beef is with your boo?

While no-one wants to be one half of the couple that breaks up every few months, is having a rocky relationship reason enough to call it quits?

In a Psychology Today article by Northern Illinois University counsellor Suzanne Degges-White, she tells us how to identify if what we’re going through are growing pains, or the beginning of the end.

Here are three ways to know if you should make up or break up

1 Are your sure your beef is with your boo?

Degges-White explains that sometimes we redirect frustrations into our relationships, even when they’re completely unrelated. ‘Maybe you’re in a dead-end job, or you feel that your life isn’t meeting all of the expectations that you might have had when you were younger,’ she explains. So, how can we be sure our frustrations or unhappiness is based in our relationship? ‘Take a moment and imagine how your life would be different if your partner was no longer a part of it,’ Degges-White advises. ‘Would you love your job any more than you do now? Would you have a more exciting social life?’ You could be dissatisfied with things completely unrelated to your relationship, but may place the blame on your partner simply because they’re so close to you.

2 Are your expectations of a relationship a little bit flawed?

When it comes to knowing if you should make up or break up, Degges-White suggests asking yourself if you expect relationships to be hard. ‘Sadly, there are a lot of people who grew up in homes that were dysfunctional to the point that chaos and unpredictability are more comfortable for those kids when they become adults,’ she says.

Because of this, being in a quiet and peaceful relationship can feel ‘wrong’. This can lead to certain people stirring up altercations within their relationship to ‘keep the sparks flying’.

‘If you are that kind of partner, think about what a healthy relationship really could look like if you didn’t find ways to create chaos for its own sake,’ she continues.


3 Are your fights getting progressively worse?

‘The definition of a healthy family is not a family that doesn’t experience conflict – a healthy family is one that knows how to use the conflict to direct change and growth,’ Degges-White explains.

However, if you find yourself hating everything about them whenever you and your partner fight and find that neither of you can admit you’re wrong, there really might be a serious problem.

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