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7 Rules Real Couples Stick to When Having Threesomes

Do not attempt if you’re insecure about your relationship.

Threesomes. Even those of us who aren’t having them – who’ve never had them – are discussing what it would be like to do so. Sure, in theory, it’s pretty sexy. But could you actually deal seeing your partner getting kinky with someone else? Vice-versa, could they? I like to think that the key to a successful and satisfying threesome is open communication, and based on the input of the following people, it seems I’m on the right track.

If you’re considering a threesome with your boo, read through these rules and see which ones – if any – you’d like to introduce into your own bedroom.

Here are seven rules real couples stick to when having threesomes 

via GIPHY

1 Clarify what a threesome is to both of you, communicate with everyone before/during/after, and have fun!

‘Wife and I are still newbs at threesomes, in fact only had one but are interested in another. When we first started discussing the whole idea, we made rules. It was just going to be oral only, I was down for pretty much anything but my wife wasn’t at first, so we went with what she was comfortable with. As we talked more over the following week about having a threesome, we were very clear and understanding with each other that it wasn’t going to be both of us as individuals having sex with someone else, but us as a couple having sex with another person. Reframing it from an individual activity we were both participating into something we were doing together made both of us a lot more comfortable. When we actually did it, she wanted me to penetrate our partner, and our partner wanted it too, as did I. It helped that our partner was a friend of my wife’s and we were all comfortable communicating through the whole thing. I never did kiss our partner on the mouth, my wife did and I enjoyed watching but doing it myself wasn’t something I really wanted to do. It was awesome, everyone enjoyed themselves, no weirdness or hurt feeling or anything.’ [Via]

2 Make sure you limit contact

‘With an ex of mine, we had threesomes with one girl on a regular basis, and it turned into a triad. And then I was slowly phased out of their sex life. It was one of the main reasons I ended things with that boyfriend, and it was not a pretty breakup. Some rules I would suggest for your situation would be:

  • Limit contact with this person. Since she is going to be intimate with both of you, it is perfectly acceptable for you to read each other’s messages to her or agree to only message from one phone so that both of you can see what’s being said.
  • Make sure everyone is included in everything – even when it’s not being intimate. Brunch, sex, conversations, whatever. Nobody likes to feel left out or less important.
  • Be willing to respect everyone’s boundaries, and openminded when it comes to trying out their fantasies.
  • Condoms, always. Suggest that she also be out on birth control, if that’s something she’s willing to do.
  • Set and discuss boundaries whenever you feel the need to. Don’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend if you’re uncomfortable with the way things are rolling. You’ll all appreciate it down the road
  • Make sure that this isn’t an old friend he has significant feelings for. Obviously, if he’s wanting to have a threesome it’s safe to say that he has some kind of feelings of attraction for her, but you don’t want to find out down the line that he’s secretly crushing on her.’ [Via]

3 Never choose someone either of you knows personally

‘100% prevents feelings from being developed.’ [Via]

via GIPHY

4 Never enter a threesome if you have insecurity about your relationship

‘If you do, sooner or later it is going to blow up in your face. I understand the point of couples having rules, but it really makes the whole experience less organic. It is so much more fun when everybody just does what comes naturally.’ [Via]

5 If she can’t do it, I can’t do it

‘My girlfriend makes the rules. Which is fine with me. But she stated: if she can’t do it, I can’t. So I can’t stick my dick inside the third since my girlfriend can’t. Pretty simple. But, I don’t ever want to have sex with the other girl. I don’t want to complicate it. My girlfriend is good enough. More than good enough, she’s amazing.’ [Via]

6 If you can’t be honest, don’t even bother trying

‘My wife and I have had a number of threesomes and have discussed our issues so that now when we do this type of thing, everything is spelled out to the person who we invite into our bed. If you can’t talk about the experience openly and very, very honestly, with your SO, don’t even try it.

And if you have any issues at all, always, always, share them. If you think the problem will go away with time, trust me it won’t.’ [Via]

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