7 Reasons to Date a Teacher

They’re probs in no rush to have kids of their own

I am definitely NOT a teacher. In fact, kids kinda creep me out (they’re sticky all the time!) but my two best friends are. The one is a genius Montessori teacher and the other is a heaven-sent special-needs teacher and, I must admit, based on how teaching has molded them, if I was a man or a lesbian I’d woo them until they loved me.

Here are 7 reasons to date a teacher if you have the chance.

1 Their capacity to maintain a sense of calm is SOMETHING ELSE ALL TOGETHER

You know when you’re being a little shit and you know you’re being a little shit but you continue being a little shit anyway? Teachers have this crazy way of being super-patient with you without actually letting you think your behaviour is okay. They’re like, ‘Okay, Christy, have your ridiculous freak-out and we’ll just patiently wait for you to finish and then explain that you’re wrong and that we’re kinda disappointed in you so just do better next time, okay?’


But also WARNING: Some days their patience has been worn down altogether by actual children and so they’ll scream at you because they couldn’t scream at their pupils. There’s a fine line, people. Learn it, live it, love it.

2 They’re used to bodily fluids

So someone’s period started during sex or your anal sex went awry. Teachers (of young children, at least) tend to be super-comfortable with bodily fluids because they have to be.

3 They have the BEST stories

Like, did you hear the one about the kid who only communicates via Lady Gaga lyrics and who greets everyone by singing, ‘RAH-AH-RAH-AH-AH-AH’. Or the one about the four-year-old who told the teacher to, and I quote, ‘Sit down and be humble?’ KIDS ARE SOMETHING ELSE THESE DAYS, GUYS.


4 They have a thick skin

Again, this is because they have to. If a kid hates your nail-polish colour or thinks you look fat in a particular dress, they’re straight-up gonna tell you.

5 Sometimes they bring you treats

So they smuggled some choc-chip cookies out of the class and brought them home after baking day. You’re wary, because you don’t know which sticky little hands played a part in making said cookies, but you eat them anyway because … cookies.


6 They’re probably not itching to have babies any time soon

Because their work days are like hours of mental contraception.

7 When you eventually do have kids, they’ll know how to not f*ck them up.

Because they know the ins and outs of the minds of children and know to treat them like the special, little human individuals that they are.

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