If your immediate response is to be thrilled for your partner when something positive happens in their career, it’s not bizarre for you to expect (and demand) the same in return. If you’ve ever wondered if his behaviour towards your success is normal and healthy, look out for these signs the next time you kick ass at work.
1 Can he congratulate you?
When you get that new job or hard-earned promotion, does he sincerely congratulate you and remind you that he never had any doubt because you are brilliant? Or does he become eerily silent and show little to no enthusiasm at all? If he’s giving you radio silence, his withholding excitement could be his way of implying that your success isn’t worth discussing.
2 Does he downplay your achievements?
When he does speak up and acknowledge your achievement, does he give credit to someone else who made it possible or imply that it was circumstantial? If he mentions the input of your colleague on a project or how the company ‘has seemed desperate to fill that role for some time’, it’s his way of saying that your achievement had very little to do with your own capability.
3 Does it usually circle back to him?
Much like people who respond, ‘Well, I rode a shark,’ when you mention you once saw a dolphin, does he try to trump your success by bringing up his own any time you show growth in your career? He had his moment to bask in his excellence, it’s your time now.
4 Does he punish you by being unsupportive?
Does he make you feel bad for working late hours? Does he constantly find excuses to miss your work functions? If he is making you feel bad about being as motivated as you are, it could be in an effort to get you to stop investing as much as you are in your career.
5 Does he pick fights?
You say, ‘I got a raise at work,’ and he says, ‘I saw the way you were looking at that guy in that bar two weeks ago.’ If this sounds familiar, you need to consider if there is enough room in the relationship to truly thrive.
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