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15 Things Lesbian and Bisexual Women Want Straight Women to Know

‘Homophobic boyfriends and husbands are absolutely a problem for us’

In a recent AskWomen thread on Reddit, a straight woman reached out to find out what women in the LGBT community want straight women to know. Reading through their replies is an eye-opener, to say the least. We need to evolve and support other women by understanding that our ‘harmless’ actions can often be far from that.

Here are 15 things lesbian and bisexual women want straight women to know

1 Being bi does not mean being attracted to everyone

‘I don’t go through life having sexual tension with all of my friends (or any of them, for that matter). Attraction is complicated and it takes a while to cultivate. The stereotypes are garbage. I’m simply not attracted to most people.’

2 We’re not automatically into you, even if we’re friends and can admit that you’re pretty

‘We’re not predators, we can do everything straight girls can do in terms of physical affection and it doesn’t have to be weird. But also we’re not here to be experimented with or dance provocatively with at clubs when you want male attention. Get out of here with that mentality.’

3 Don’t ‘out’ me without my permission

‘I will tell people that I’m a lesbian if I want to. On a similar note, don’t act like you were privy to that information upon first meeting.’

4 My current partner being male doesn’t make me a safe outlet for your bigoted thoughts

‘You can never assume that about someone!’

5 I’m not here for your experimental phase

‘I’m not here for your only-when-drunk make out sessions. I am not here to spice up your marriage or your dead bedroom. I’m not taking you to a queer bar as entertainment or attending your bachelorette at a gay bar. And I’m not tolerating any homophobic remarks, no matter how small or inconsequential.’

6 Homophobic boyfriends and husbands of straight women are absolutely a problem for us

‘Even if you’ve made the choice to be accepting, we can hear the boyfriend calling his friends slurs in the next room. We are also keenly aware of which boyfriends/husbands think it’s “hot'” that we’re gay. Lesbian and bisexual women need straight women to stand up for us, even when it’s “just the way he is.”‘

7 Being bisexual is only a small piece of who I am

‘It does not define me, It’s only part of me.’

8 Don’t make a Tinder/Bumble account and set your preference to ‘females’ just so you can ‘catch out’ people you know

‘You wouldn’t think this needed to be said, but I’ve run into three women in their late teens/early twenties in the past year alone who I know personally who have made fake lesbian dating profiles on Tinder for the SOLE purpose of seeing “who is gay and closeted/not telling them about it”, by their own admission.

This is such a breach of privacy and trust. If someone isn’t comfortable telling you that they’re gay/bisexual, they won’t appreciate you confronting them with their gay dating profile that you found while snooping.’

9 I’m not going to have sex with you while your boyfriend watches

‘Or the other way around.’

10 Being a lesbian does not make me any less of a girly girl

‘Being a lesbian does not make me the go-to for your male problem advice. I’m not a dude, I don’t think like a dude, and I don’t want to sleep with you (like presumably a dude might). No, it isn’t easier being a lesbian. No, I don’t hate men.’

11 Stop using the word ‘girlfriend’ to describe platonic friends

‘It makes it so much harder for queer women who are in a newish relationship to define their relationship or find an unambiguous way to refer to each other.’

12 It is super offensive…

‘when you tell me that I don’t “look” gay.’

13 I legit lost a friend over me being bi

‘She liked to “impress” dudes she talked to and would be like, “Knit’s bi she’s had sex with girls.” And I’d be like…? Okay, thanks for announcing that? She would do things to make her seem “better” than me. She later morphed into telling guys who would find it “hot” that we were bi together and she had photo proof!

It was a photo of her holding up a wine glass while I kissed her on the cheek. In a totally non-lezzy way. As in a “drink with the bestie way.”‘ My sexuality is not a tool to get guys to like you.’

14 I’m not a closet lesbian

‘I’m not a closet straight. I am bi. That means both. Just because I’m not into most women doesn’t mean I’m not into any at all.’

15 I’m still bisexual

‘Even though I have a straight boyfriend.’

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