While sexual preferences are different for everyone, there are still a few universal tenets that make sex even better. Whether you’ve been with your partners for ages, or it’s your first time having sex, here are 13 things all women want in bed.
1 Cunnilingus on par with every dude’s blow job fantasy
You know how guys want you to be so into sucking their dick that you’re literally like, gagging and tearing up? We want the same for when we get head. No, you don’t have to tear up, but passionate enthusiasm never hurt anyone.
2 Ability to read the room re: cuddling
Sometimes you want to be cuddled and spooned, sometimes you want to stay on opposite sides of the bed. While these preferences can differ not only from person-to-person, but also with each situation, it’s best to check in with your partner and see what’s up. Just a simple ‘Can I spoon you?’ or something works here.
3 An open mind
Maybe you want to bring toys into the mix or try something different in bed. Being vulnerable when you’re naked is even harder, so having a partner who you can trust and feel safe around is key.
4 Vocal enthusiasm
There is nothing hotter than a partner who is just stoked to be with you and can’t stop geeking out over how hot he thinks you are, or how much you turn him on. Get loud and get freaky with it. Tell her how much you want her and can’t stop thinking about her.
5 A partner invested in my pleasure too
A woman is not your hand, a fleshlight, or any other masturbatory aid. Don’t just use her body till you orgasm and then roll over and assume she had a great time too because that’s not how it works. Being a good partner is about putting in equal effort. You don’t want to be the person who bailed on the group project all semester, just to swoop in and take credit for the A at the end.
6 Peace of mind when it comes to protection
Be prepared, and assume we’re doing it with a condom unless otherwise agreed upon beforehand. Don’t pressure me to take it off halfway through or look at me dumbfounded with your dick hanging out of your pants like you’ve never heard the word “condom” before. Just don’t do it! I will walk out. I really will.
7 An orgasm
Sex shouldn’t end with just the male orgasm — especially if she hasn’t had one yet. If you’re going to be too exhausted after you orgasm, make sure she’s taken care of beforehand. It’s not rocket science. If you know, for sure, you’re going to get yours, wouldn’t you want your partner to enjoy herself too?
There’s a time and a place for wordlessly-grunty sex, but having a partner who asks if you’re into something or if you want it another way is also nice. You don’t get any extra points for making it to the finish line without saying a peep.
9 A clean bed
It’s really, really hard to let yourself go and enjoy yourself if you can feel your calves brushing up against any sedimentary layers of sweat, grime, and hookups past on his Target comforter with every grunt.
10 A spare phone charger
If I have to call an Uber afterwards, I want to be able to listen to music or check Twitter on my ride back, and I can’t do that if I stupidly let my phone just rot for the nine and a half minutes we had sex. And if I’m staying the night, I might still want to check Twitter if you fall asleep before me. Sue me!
It’s not a race to the finish line! You can take your time and draw stuff out and enjoy yourselves. A little patience will carry you a long, long way. Besides, if the orgasm was the only thing that mattered about sex, I’d be dating the USB brick that charges my vibrator.
12 Sock removal
Please, please remove your socks before sex. It’s just so weird to see someone like, fully naked but still wearing socks that it can really take you out of the moment. Plus, then you run into the weird thing of like, ‘Should I have left my socks on’, ‘Do they not like feet?’ ‘Do they think my feet are ugly?!’ and spiralling into a hole of foot-based anxiety, which is not a place anybody likes to be.
13 Realistic expectations
Please don’t climb into bed with me just to morph from Jake in Accounting to Ron Jeremy. Porn sex is cool and all, but real life sex isn’t always like that, and I resent the notion that it’s totally normal for a guy to flip you over wordlessly and try to stick it in your ass while calling you a dirty slut and telling you he’s gonna finish in your hair. Like, we just watched three episodes of Frasier on your laptop, stop acting like your convertible 2-bed is a sex dungeon. Chill.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan US
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