6 Things You Think When You're Freshly in Love

‘I don’t even want kids, but ours would be GORGEOUS’

There’s nothing quite like falling in love and the mild insanity that accompanies it. Here are some of the thoughts that run through our sex-crazed minds at the beginning of a new relationship.

1 ‘Surely this is the most beautiful human to have ever existed…’
You know you’re in love when you wouldn’t even have sex with your top five celeb crushes because your new boo is so ~*amazing*~.


2 ‘I don’t even want kids, but ours would be GORGEOUS’
This means your mind can’t help but wonder about the future you hope to have with your new bae. What is it about being in love that makes us imagine what a smooshed-up little human – half you, half him –would look like?

3 ‘I genuinely don’t care that I haven’t seen my besties in four weeks’
Let’s all just admit it: there’s nothing like a new love to distract you. While we’ve all happily become hermits in a new relationship before, understand you need to re-emerge and give your girls some love sooner rather than later. You new guy won’t go anywhere (unless he’s a ghoster – in which case, you’re better off without him).

4 ‘Is it weird to buy an ice pack specifically for my vagina?’
You know, because of all the sex.

5 ‘Who knew I could make a quiche?’
A brand-new love makes you want to try new things. Like making elaborate brunches and having anal sex. The world is sparkly and full of possibilities.


6 ‘This is inevitably going to turn to shit – I should sabotage it before he can’
Why do we bicker so much? Why do we not fight at all? Why is he so good at sex? Does this mean he’s had sex with, like, 90 women? His phone beeps too often, he’s probably a f*ckboy. He’s too close with his mother. Why doesn’t he talk about his father?




During this phase, one ought to avoid their new significant other until feelings of impending doom have passed.

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