Booty Blunders

How to bounce back from these common mattress mishaps.

How to bounce back from these common mattress mishaps.

Let off a stinker mid-act? Blame the dog, and make a big show of getting him out of the room. Then return with a surprise, like whipped cream, or turn on sexy music,’ suggests Dr Arlene Goldman, co-author of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy (Alpha). The novelty will help him forget the incident.

While changing position you fanny-farted loudly? Whether he’s your steady or a new boy, relax. ‘If you stop, you’ll turn the situation into something bigger than it is,’ says Goldman. ‘Men don’t think too much about this stuff. Just move on.’

Called him by your ex’s name? Say something like ‘Whoa, did I really just call you Frank instead of Eric? I have no clue where that came from… I must’ve been out of my mind and delirious with pleasure.’

Got your period on his sheets? Men are much less squeamish about this stuff than we are. Tell him, matter-of-factly, and load them into the machine. Then carry on as if nothing happened.

Couldn’t control your gag reflex? Laugh it off, and he’ll do the same. Tell him the problem is that he’s just so big. He’ll be so pleased by the compliment he’ll forget all about what motivated it.