It must be difficult to sit idly by while watching a fellow sister fall in love with a dress that just isn’t quite right. We’ve gotten some dress shop assistants share their darkest thoughts while on the job:
1. “No! NO! Your boobs are everywhere! Your C-cup runneth over, please buy something that keeps the girls firmly in place.”
2. “That is the ugliest dress I’ve ever seen. There’s no way in hell anybody’s going to b— oh my gosh, somebody’s trying it on.”
3. “Twirl all you want, it doesn’t fit you. It just doesn’t fit! Why are you insisting on this?”
4. “You’re spending that much. On a dress. For a wedding. That isn’t even yours?”
5. “I’m very sorry that your dog is being neutered today, but why are you telling me your life story? Seriously, I’m just here to bring you another size…”
6. “Why is there a man in here?”
7. “Don’t shout at me, it’s not my fault the zipper broke after one wear. Maybe you should’ve bought a bigger size. I didn’t make the dress – direct your anger elsewhere, lady.”
8. “Oh, you’re returning it now? In perfect condition, label still attached, except for one blink-and-you’ll-miss-it food stain? I know you’ve worn it to your event already, so don’t insult my intelligence by telling me you ‘found a different one’."
9. “No. Cerise pink is probably not the best colour for a full-skirted gown. And the silver diamante sandals aren’t making it any classier. Oh, you’re looking at the tiaras now…”
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10. “That’s a little bit short for a matric dance. Actually, it’s a little bit short for a mini skirt. What I’m trying to say is, I can see your underwear.”
11. “I’m obligated to tell you that you look like a beautiful princess in that dress, but really it doesn’t suit you at all. My mind is telling me to convince you to buy it so I can get commission, but my heart is telling me to make up some lie about how I’ve made a mistake, and the dress actually isn’t for sale."
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12. “This dress has a 600% mark-up, but I’m telling you it’s a bargain. Is that legal? I’m a terrible human being.”
13. “I don’t care how obsessed she is with it, if you really loved your daughter, you wouldn’t buy that horrible dress for her.”
15. "You look so beautiful. So beautiful. I want to be you right now. I can’t keep complimenting you because it’s going to get weird, but I hope you know that you look stunning and you have to buy that dress."