Not to brag, but we lived through the Golden Age of Adolescence. Really. It was the best. Here are the extremely important things that kids of today will, sadly, not be hashtag-blessed enough to experience.
1. Clutching your Walkman and being cool AF, especially if you and your bestie are listening to one earbud each. Nobody knew what CD was spinning around in that thang (but it was probably Britney).
2. Being perfectly happy with a cellphone that was simply capable of SMSing. It didn’t need any sort of internet connectivity. Hell, it didn’t have to be colour. We were but simple folk back then.
3. Trying to suss someone out – without social media. Usually this involved using nefarious methods to somehow get hold of the person’s cellphone number, then SMSing as someone else. Sneaky.
4. Never knowing who it is when the phone rings. It could be your best friend. It could be that wrong number that never. Stops. Calling. Back. Answering was a gamble of note.
5. Wanting to learn the lyrics to a song, but the CD booklet only has pictures of the band. WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF THE BOOK IF THERE ARE NO LYRICS WHY DID THEY WASTE OUR TIME.
6. Silently cursing the person who forgot to rewind a tape. These were the worst types of people. They had absolutely no regard for other humans. NONE.
7. Passing expertly folded letters in class. Forget firing texts back and forth – a beautiful letter written using all the koki colours was so much more meaningful. And you could do that cool foldy thing with 10 000 flaps.
8. Free stuff in chips and cereals. Soooo much free stuff. Packets and boxes were goldmines for everything from Pokémon Tazos to those weird spoons that change colour in a bowl of milk. If it didn’t have a freebie, it didn’t count as a worthy product.
9. Bringing one of those little Pringle-holders to school every day. Your lunch didn’t count without a Pringle-stack. It was inferior.
10. Finding friends in the phonebook… and giving up if your friend’s surname was something like ‘Williams’. Guess you’d have to wait until next year’s camp to talk again…
11. Taking your camera film to be developed and realising half the photos star your thumb. And you thought you were such a great photographer, too.
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12. Having a huge project and finding out that Encarta doesn’t have information on the subject. Now you’d have to spend your afternoon in the darkest corners of the public library with something that was published in 1927.
13. Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. The real deal, not that weird crap we have now. Saturday morning cartoons had substance and meaning back then. Johnny Bravo taught life lessons, basically.
14. Drowning a sim by removing the pool ladder or enclosing it in a fence. Proof that, deep down, we are all just a little bit depraved.
15. The feeling when a new Harry Potter book is released. It was… utterly indescribable.