Being adorable isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Here are the 13 struggles of having a sweet little baby face in a world full of sexy adults. Ugh.
1. Having to convince people your ID is legit… Then feeling anxious when you hand it over even though you know it’s legit.
2. Being hit on by teens who recoil in horror when they find out you’re, like, 10 years their senior. It’s icky. It’s not nice.
3. You’re asked about the school you go to instead of the university you attend or, you know, your place of employment. I am a woman. I do job things. Why don’t you know this?
4. Kids’ menu. Yip. It still happens.
5. You’ve heard the words ‘WHOA, BUT YOU LOOK SO MUCH YOUNGER!’ more times than you can count. ‘Wow! Haha, I thought you, like, just graduated high school or something!’ Okay, Sean. I get it.
6. Heaven forbid you don’t wear any makeup and tie your hair in a ponytail. You are now a fresh-faced schoolgirl with big dreams in her head and a song in her heart.
7. If you’re out with your parents and you order something with alcohol in it, the waiter looks at your parents expectantly as if to say, ‘Is she allowed?’ (Disclaimer: maybe this isn’t a thing that happens in the real world but last year a worried waiter asked my dad if I was allowed to have the tiramisu ice-cream I ordered because ‘you know it has alcohol in it, right?’ It scarred me, I won’t lie. I’m 23.)
8. Dating. And the full knowledge that you look like a child next to your partner. You are Ashton; he is Demi. And it shall be this way always.
9. If an older guy flirts with you, you have to assume he’s a paedophile/KIDnapper. I mean, he definitely thinks you’re 15. You may as well report him to authorities right now.
10. Even if you’re the older sibling, people assume you’re the younger one. Or worse, they assume you’re your brother’s girlfriend. Which is kind of weird when you’re 23 and your brother’s 15. (Again, this has happened to me.)
11. You’re always cute. You try to be hot. You try to be sexy. But let’s face it – you’re adorable with your round lil’ face and your tiny baby hands. And if you try to ooze sex appeal? Well, ‘Sexy Baby’ is not a thing that works. Neither is Baby Prostitute.
12. Everyone always tries to console you by saying, ‘At least when you’re 50 you’ll look 20, hahahaha.’ To which I usually respond, ‘Or I’ll look like some weird Benjamin-Button-creature-baby with a face full of wrinkles… BUT THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT.
13. People don’t take you as seriously as they should. Ugh, why do you have to be so damn cute when you’re mad? People need to recognise that you are boss.