Recently, SELF editor Patia Braithwaite wrote about a new dating app trend she’s experienced, which she coined ‘whelming’ — a phenomenon in which a male match shares how completely overwhelmed he feels by all the female attention and matches he’s getting on dating apps.
Braithwaite wrote that she encountered the problem more than once, and most frequently on the app Bumble, where women must reach out to men first in order to start a conversation. She writes of one ‘whelming’ experience:
His answers were a mix of complaints (‘it’s just too much’) and weird misogynistic ramblings (‘Why does every girl on here love brunch and tacos?’). I unmatched, thinking this was an isolated instance.
YIKES. Lotta red flags here people. Props to Braithwaite for having the patience to try to listen to this guy (I wouldn’t), and help him out. Like, no one is holding a knife up to his throat and making him fawn over brunch and tacos. If he hates brunch and tacos, just don’t partake.
Curious to see if this was a widespread ~thing~, Braithwaite asked her friends if they’d also encountered whelming.
The answer: Yes.
In fact, one of her friends was told by a match that he was simply too busy to keep track of everyone trying to date him to possibly meet up with her, and that she ‘wouldn’t understand.’ Lol.
Not only is this ‘Sorry, but I’m hotter than you and therefore in more demand, a concept you simply wouldn’t understand!’ power play super insulting, but it’s also just incredibly stupid? Everyone is busy. We get it. But if you can’t read a room and learn to compartmentalise and do the bare minimum of time-management (i.e. deciding whom you want to spend 30 seconds responding to on an app), then you really have no business dating grown women, because you sound like a manchild baby.
Everyone is busy. We get it.
Now, I’m certainly one to complain about dating app fatigue, because hello, I wrote a whole story on it in 2018, BUT, I’m not complaining directly to my matches, ‘Ugh, there’s so many of you, I’m exhausted.’ Also, it’s not their job to be my therapist if I feel exhausted by the process.
Emotional labour is not a new convo, but I can’t help but think about how very codependent and childish it is to put your match’s feelings so beneath yours that you prioritise your self-made stress from swipe-fatigue above baseline etiquette. Not to mention, we all know how this would go down if a woman told a man to queue up because there was two blocks’ full of hotties lining up for a shot with her…
As Braithwaite points out, you’d never hear of someone coming up to you at a bar and, in an effort to light a fire under your ass, brag about how many people want to take them home tonight.
Basically, if anyone feels the need to put you down or devalue you because they have soooo many matches, do them a favour and take something off their plate. Unmatch them!
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan US
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