- Sex expert and blogger Girl on the Net tried out the best girl on top sex positions, so you don’t have to
- Here’s what she found…
‘There’s no way this is going to work,’ I explained to him. ‘Your penis just won’t bend that way.’ How wrong I was.
We were halfway through a ‘quiet night in’ that was anything but quiet where I’d been challenged to get through all of the best woman on top sex positions in one night.
I’ll be honest, the Erotic Accordion (below for reference) had me stumped. But as a long-term sex blogger and fan of all things kinky, I’m no more going to give up in the face of a sexual challenge than a banker would turn down a bonus.
I’m glad we kept at it, and I feel a bit guilty that I’d been rude about this one to begin with, because when we got the angle just right, this position gave a deep penetration and achingly hot sensation. I felt powerful, in control, and about as dominant as I get without brandishing a whip.
So what of the others? P.S. These sex positions can all be attempted with a male or penis-having partner, or if your partner has a vagina, they can wear a strap-on.
1 Joystick Joyride
As a general rule, when on top I’m a grinder: bouncing up and down doesn’t hit the same spot as swaying back and forth. But in this sex position, bouncing is the best way… as long as you’ve got upper-arm strength to support yourself while you go for it.
My verdict? Fun, but exhausting.
His verdict? Your boobs look great from this angle.
2 Get Down On It
Cross-legged, pressed close together, this whole position feels soft and tantric. It was hard for me to build up any proper speed, so it wasn’t really my bag. But if you or your partner fancy yourselves as Sting then it’ll be right up your alley.
My verdict? Meh.
His verdict? God, you’re so fussy.
3 Couch Canoodle
I think this was the closest we came to an all-out fail. This position may work well if you’re shorter than your partner, but my dude and I are roughly the same height. When we tried this my head, rather than angled gracefully off the end of his lap, was practically resting on the floor, and I wasn’t so much seducing him as I was clinging on with my legs for dear life.
My verdict? I’m so sorry.
His verdict? We need a winch.
4 Straddle Their Saddle
Rocking back and forth on him as he sits cross-legged? Totally my cup of tea. Problem is, one of the many things we forget when we leave school is that sitting cross legged is generally a bit uncomfortable. As a warm-up this works, but when his ankles started to creak we moved swiftly on to the next one.
His verdict? I might be a bit old for this.
5 The Wow-Them Powwow
A bit like the Sting position from before, this one is definitely for those who prefer a slow pace. Easy to grind against the right spots, but with my legs crossed it was tricky to build up any speed. The gentle rocking is intense, but for me it’s a foreplay move rather than the main event. What’s more, we did this one on the floor, so my sizeable ass (it’s winter – I need something for warmth) meant that any extended session would have given him pins and needles.
My verdict? Pretty tough.
His verdict? I like your ass.
6 The Octopus
This one ticked nearly all the boxes, because it gave us both an element of control. Meeting in the middle, we built up a great rhythm together and worked up quite a sweat (this one’s heavy on the triceps too, so I’m hoping I have arms like Michelle Obama by now). Unfortunately, we were a bit too enthusiastic, and he kept slipping out of me just as we got to the good parts.
My verdict? Worth the effort.
His verdict? Is this what they mean by ‘sexercise’?
7 Lap Limbo
This one is pretty damn fun. With my legs over his shoulders, gripping the back of the sofa with my hands was vital to build up momentum, but once I was up to speed? Ace. Great angles for me, and I pretty good for him too, judging by the noises. The only down-side is that if your sofa squeaks like ours does, you might get complaints from the neighbours.
My verdict? YES.
His verdict? We need a new sofa.
8 Row Their Boat
This one, much like the lap limbo, causes a lot of sofa-squeaking. But it also gives me sexy shivers in just the right places, and is spectacularly easy to perform. Also causes a fair few interactions between my boobs and his face, which gets the double thumbs up from me.
My verdict? Oh yes, bury your face in my chest.
His verdict? Mmmfff.
Girl on the Net is a kinky, feminist sex blogger and can usually be found talking dirty at www.girlonthenet.com
This post originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com
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