Because it’s 2017 and everything moves at the speed of light (I hate Taylor, No I love her, No I hate her), one day you’re in and the next, you’re out.
Apparently this applies to awful ways in which people ruin relationships, too. Move over, Ghosters. It seems the Stashers are here to fuck us all up twice as much. ‘Stashing’ which was first coined by Ellen Scott of Metro UK is basically when the person you’re dating hides you away from everyone else in their life. Think the squirrel in Ice Age- but with less charming and hilarious intentions.
According to Scott, stashing can occur for a number of reasons. If you’ve not met anyone significant in you partner’s life, it downplays the seriousness and commitment of the entire relationship. ‘You’re in a relationship or dating in all other senses, but by refusing to acknowledge your existence publicly, or to other people in their life, the stasher is able to tell themselves that you’re not actually together, so they’re perfectly entitled to treat you poorly,’ explains Scott.
And because 2017 is eating our ass (and not in a sexy way), we have social media stashing to worry about, too. If your Instagram feed is riddled with your boo’s face and snaps of #datenight, and theirs consists of vague shots of spaghetti that you happened to witness them order, they may be doubley-stashing you.
Here, 3 local women open up about their stashing experience.
‘I started dating *Paul after we hooked up one night at a bar. He had been there drinking with his friend, and so obviously I met one of his friends. However over the next 6 months I realised that I literally hadn’t met one other person in his life. He would wait for me to say I was going to my sister’s house for a braai or something like that and then only announce that he “had a friend’s birthday to get to”. Or if I was free, he was always going on a “boys night out”. When I brought it up with him he told me I was overthinking everything and that, “We have such a good time when we’re on own own, why was I trying to ruin it?” He was so manipulative. It took 8 months for me to completely jump ship. How well can you actually know someone if you know no-one in their life?’ – Kyla, 25
‘It was honestly the most bizarre relationship I’ve ever been in. He had met my mom, sister and my best friends. They loved him. He’d come over for family dinners and bring my mom flowers. Three months in I started posting pictures of us together on social media. He’d ask me not to tag him. He just said he hated social media when I asked him why. Six months in I realised we spent time together on the weekends only at our houses, and if we’d go out to dinner we’d go to the other side of the city. Eventually I had to overlook his charm and realise that the relationship was not nearly as serious to him as it was to me. To him, it was sex and food and charming the crap out of my family, but nothing more. I broke it off when I knew for certain that we didn’t have a future.’ – Boity, 33
‘I really do feel bad for how I treated him. At the end of the day though, he just didn’t “fit” into my life. I knew my friends and family wouldn’t understand what I saw in him. I had just come out of a serious relationship and actually wanted to keep my life for myself, without fitting a man into it. I was really sad when he ended it, but I also understood. Only after we broke it off did I even tell anyone about his existence.’ – M, 27
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