Your relentless career drive (and subsequent successes) are enough to make even a vaguely insecure partner feel like the scrub in ‘No Scrubs’. But the people who are just as motivated as you are, who know how to add playfulness to natural competition, are the ones who see you as the most Beyoncé non-Beyoncé in the world, and they can only hope to be your Jay Z (or just a sobbing fan, so long as they’re in your world).
You’re that person who secretly hopes their friend cancels on R30 margarita happy hour and magically morphs into sweatpants like the Sailor Moon of introversion the moment they do. You attract people who, like you, enjoy the finer things in life — elaborate cable subscriptions, Nutella straight out of the jar, and, ideally, a dog (or six) nearby. They don’t need to flake on SMSing you to keep you on your toes; they just need to surprise you with pizza.
You’re admittedly not the best at keeping still, and the same Netflix marathon routine three weekends in a row holds the same level of excitement for you as getting your feet pumiced. Luckily, you draw in people who are as equally spontaneous (the only ‘planning’ they do is all the hikes you’ll go on/foods you’ll eat on your weekend day trip.) One thing’s for certain: you are never bored (but your bank accounts might wish you were sometimes).
Since you can be a little bit more reluctant to share your life with strangers, you don’t exactly shine in a sweaty bar as you meekly try to reintroduce yourself a third time before giving up completely. The person who will eventually fall in love with you is someone who invests in meaningful one-on-one time, from long walks to six-hour coffee hangouts. They will probably go from party acquaintance > close friend > life partner. Basically, that friend you’ve always thought ‘hmmmmmm’ about? MAYBE.
On the surface, you can seem a little self-absorbed or arrogant, making some less confident people write you off as too into yourself. The right person, however, will see how your self-love is inextricably linked to your love for other people, especially when it comes to pumping them up and making them feel like they can do anything. Since they don’t hold a candle to your compliment game, they’ll do more practical things to make your life better (like teach you how to cook or help you navigate the new iOS update).
You are a helper in every sense of the word, from listening to the same breakup story four times in a row to being the only one who ever cleans your res bathroom. You need to feel needed, and while you might wade through a few emotionally fragile weirdos at first, the more worthy people who become infatuated with you are the ones who, like you, have their life at least mostly together. They won’t drive you crazy; they’ll drive you to a nearby MacDonald’s when your day was pure garbage.
Your diplomatic nature can be misinterpreted by some as passivity or annoying indecisiveness, and you certainly won’t work with someone who steamrolls you in any way. The ones who love you are as morally sound as you are and subscribe to your same tendency to question everything you hear, particularly gossip (even if it’s really juicy goss.) The only real recurring issues in your relationship will be spontaneous restaurant outings, where you’ll both be stuck in an endless chain of ‘I don’t know, what are you feeling?’
The idea of playing up how ‘chill’ you are so you don’t supposedly scare a partner away is unimaginable to you — you text when you want and how you want, and this only weeds out the fickle and inconsistent. You are then left with people who are just as boldly invested in the long-term as you are and who see your transparency as something to aspire to, rather than a flaw. And they’ll forgive you for blasting their phone with 27 worried SMSs when they were stuck somewhere without service for 40 minutes.
You have a knack for bringing out the extrovert in everybody — you propose fun group vacations, you ask new acquaintances thoughtful questions, and you add levity to situations that are in dire need of it (see: this entire election season.) Truth be told, you attract pretty much everybody who meets you, but the people who really love you are the ones who are a little shyer, who are down to indulge your more questionable ideas (drunk laser tag, My Chemical Romance-only karaoke, running with toe shoes, etc.).
You are someone whose ass almost never makes contact with a couch, making more mellow people unfairly label you as a neurotic workaholic. But the ones who see you for the badass that you are tend to also be family-oriented and career-driven. They too want it all, and they want it all with you. Together, you’ll make a team that is both pragmatic and sky’s-the-limit ambitious (think Kim and Kanye, but slightly less rich).
Yup, you can’t stop talking about the DA/ANC/EFF’s latest movements, and your politically charged Facebook statuses can definitely turn people off when they just want to see cute puppy videos. But while others might accuse you of being negative when you can’t stop posting about politics, the ones who love you see quite the opposite — that you’re only so passionate because you want to make everything the best it can be. Needless to say, they will share most of your views and be equally informed, only debating about the smaller issues (which you can always use to fuel playful hate sex, TBH).
You are as tender-hearted as they get, sometimes appearing almost too fragile for the modern world (you would so thrive in a Jane Austen novel though). You crave as much passion as you do stability, but your sensitivity can make you like honey to some toxic people/dudes who wear too-deep V-necks. Once you wade through the inevitable jerks, you’ll draw in someone who is as kind and introspective as you are, with whom you can share an almost-otherworldly love (and OK, who will sit through a six-hour period drama with you).
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com.