It’s the eternal question – and US relationship expert Ryan C Browning has a controversial answer: she says that doing the deed too soon can backfire.
‘Great chemistry is hard to come by, so when you meet a man you automatically click with, all you can think about is having sex with him. Problem number one: once you give up the goods, you immediately lose the upper hand in the dating power dynamics. Sex creates a false sense of intimacy, so even if you were feeling iffy about a man, you’ll suddenly crave commitment.
‘Now to problem number two: this man might not be ready for the relationship to go further, so while you want to move forward, he’s locked in place. The situation can make you feel helpless because he’s dictating how serious the relationship gets.
‘But let’s backtrack. During the period before you sleep together, he’s fully under your spell. The longer you hold off, the more intrigued he becomes, allowing you I to set the pace and control how things develop. That’s why I believe it’s so important to postpone sex for as long as you can – I say at least a month. I know it can be hard to resist when the attraction between you is so intense, but, trust me, it’ll definitely payoff in the end. Here are a few points for you to consider…’
HE WANTS YOU TO SAY NO
‘In the beginning of the dating chase, men are looking to get lucky but they’re also looking to make a connection. Even though he may turn on the charm, he’d rather you turn him down than give in. Yes, it’s contradictory. He obviously wants to have sex, but he loves a good challenge, and the more he has to work, the more enticing the prize will be. If he likes you, he’s subconsciously hoping you’ll fend him off because it makes you more desirable. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. As long as you dangle the promise of sex in front of him, he’ll be fixated on you.’
THE SEX WILL BE BETTER
‘Which brings me to my next point: the longer you have him in this holding pattern, the more fulfilling the sex will be when it happens. In addition to locking in his interest, you’re also building up the anticipation of what’s to come.
‘First-time sex isn’t always the greatest, but because you’ve been looking forward to it for so long, it’ll seem more intense. Plus, since you waited to do the deed until you felt comfortable with him, you’ll feel more in charge of the situation.’
YOU’LL TRUST YOUR FEELINGS
‘It’s no secret that good sex can cloud your judgment. If you click sexually with a man, you might overlook his flaws or inflate his good qualities to justify your reasons for sleeping with him.
‘But when you wait to have sex with him, you keep your eyes wide open. Since you’ve had a chance to get to know each other, you can trust that you’re sleeping with him for the right reasons, not just because of intense physical attraction. Coming to the decision on your own terms, at the right time, not only boosts your confidence, but also makes you feel more empowered in the relationship.’