The Art of Penis Reading

If a man’s eyes are the mirror to his soul, then his penis is the telescope…

Want to know if he’s a keeper? A cheater? Good in bed? Has hidden talents? His penis will tell all. Learn the truth behind those bulges and wrinkles; decide which description best fits his member and then suss out his willie’s personality.

THE PESTLE
• Notably longer and thicker than average
• Skin has heavy pigmentation
• Testicles hang low, are dark-coloured and heavy

THE SPEAR
• Long and narrow, and light in colour
• A shaft that thins slightly towards the end and often bends to the left or right like a banana
• High and firm testicles

THE TOMBSTONE
• Shorter than average, but unusually thick
• A wide and bulbous head
• Big, pendulous and rough-textured testicles

THE DART
• Smaller and slimmer than average
• Light in colour
• Texture is smooth, with pale, firm testicles

Now, discover his penis personality…

The Pestle is conservative in his bedroom antics, choosing ‘spoons’ or missionary unless otherwise encouraged. He enjoys taking sex slowly and is good on foreplay, and likes to wait until you come before he does – a true gent.
GREAT IF you like traditional male/female roles. He holds the door open for you, but may want to throw his dirty laundry in with yours.

The Spear is a born leader who likes to take the lead in the bedroom and make decisions on your behalf outside. He is more interested in his career than his relationships, and enjoys the company of women. Watch out: he doesn’t resist temptation easily.
GREAT IF you’re a career woman with your own ambitions, looking for fun, not commitment.

The Tombstone thinks his friends are more important than his job title, but can be stubborn as hell. He’s a child at heart and would love to have his own family one day. He’s a creative, attentive lover whose perfect shag would be under candlelight after a big roast you’ve cooked for friends.
GREAT IF you like to hang out with his friends as much as he does.

The Dart might have a modest package, but he can still deliver a great experience. He truly excels in pillow talk, being the most intuitive and sensitive of this bunch, but he also has a limited attention span and can be irritatingly competitive.
GREAT IF you want a friend as well as a lover. Not so great when you have to keep reinventing yourself to keep him interested.