Burn, Baby, Burn!

The average session in the sack burns around 800kJ.

But who wants to have ordinary, average sex? Here’s how to up the pace of your sex life and get some exercise.

You already know that a good, healthy session of sex should leave you sweaty and breathless. Your heart pounds and you need a long drink of water – if you do it right. So how can you be sure you’re doing it right? It’s not as if your personal trainer is going to make a house call (unless he’s the one working you out). According to the experts, the average session burns about 800kJ for every 30 minutes. At that rate, you’re burning as much fat as you would by taking a brisk walk. Surely the sex you’re having should be more exciting than that? Wouldn’t it be more fun to aim to burn as many kilojoules as, oh, a gymnastics class … a tango competition … even a triathlon? Here’s how to raise your performance levels to true elite status – prepare for your gold medal in the shag-o-Iympics!

ORDINARY FOREPLAY = 800 KILOJOULES

EXTRA PLAYFUL = 1 600 KILOJOULES
Change your definition of ‘foreplay’ to something even more aerobic. Flic Everett, author of So You Wanna Be A Sexy Bitch (Ulysses Press), recommends a striptease to get you both charged up. Incorporate work-out moves into your routine: slow squats as he looks at your butt, pelvic thrusts to loosen you up. Once you’re warmed up, you’ll be ready for a more creative approach to the action that follows. No more grunting when you hook your leg over his shoulder. No more losing the moment as you secretly massage a calf cramp.

Even if you’re not a private dancer, another way to incorporate this particular style of foreplay is to play naked hide-and-seek. Running around gets the heart rate up and the elevated sense of excitement will boost your adrenaline level. Declaring that the ‘loser’ gets a severe tickling, or worse, will make the anticipation all the more delectable.

LAID-BACK LOVING = 800 KILOJOULES

STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF = 1 600 KILOJOULES
The most energetic sex positions are the standing-up variety – but these are also the most likely to end in tragedy, or at least a tragic loss of mood. Don’t worry. If you haven’t managed to find a man with legs of steel, you can still reap the benefit – and a pretty exciting high-energy work-out. ‘Try a variation on the Tantric yab-yum position,’ says Suzie Heumann, coauthor of The Everything Great Sex Book (Adams Media Corporation) and founder of www.tantra.com. ‘Get your man to sit on a stool, making sure his knees are bent at right angles. Sit on his lap, facing him, and put your feet on the floor to stand and sit, or just wrap your legs around his back and grind. This position may be even better than standing, because you’ve got more leeway to get direct clitoral contact.’

GIRL ON TOP = 800 KILOJOULES

SIT ’N SPIN = 1 600 KILOJOULES
Squats aren’t only for the gym, you know. Kate Taylor, author of Life’s Too Short For Tantric Sex (Marlowe & Company), names a variety of girl-on-top positions. ‘Rather than kneeling,’ she says, ‘plant your feet flat on the bed, on either side of his hips, and lower yourself onto him. You’ll need to hang on to the headboard – unless you’ve got thigh muscles like Arnie’s.’ Then pull yourself up and down, rotating your hips in circular motions as you do. This position, done slowly, can also make things last longer because you’re in control.

SITTING-DOWN SEX = 800 KILOJOULES

HANGING-OUT SEX = 1 600 KILOJOULES
Another sexpert who multitasks his work-outs and playtime is Tom Kulmacz, founder of www.sexinfo101.com. One of his positions, the imaginatively entitled ‘Position 18’, will either drive your man wild or have him in stitches, depending on how strong your arms are. Have him sit on the floor, leaning back slightly and supporting himself on his arms. Place a chair between his legs and sit on it, draping your calves over his shoulders. Put your hands on the front of the chair, fingers facing forwards and towards him, and slip your bum off the chair; lower yourself onto him, using your triceps. It’s not for the weak of arm – you may need to ask him to support your bum or lift his hips to meet you halfway. But succeed and it’s a triple treat: you’ll get a mid-nooky work-out, impress him with your imagination and distract yourself from any nervousness or pressure – which is sure to allow a surprise orgasm to sneak right up on you.