10 Secrets Of Women Who Orgasm Easily

Learn to take the element of chance out of getting lucky.

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According to clinical sexologist Dr Marlene Wasserman, only a third of us have the ability to orgasm when we choose to, a third never orgasm and the remaining third do on occasion but can’t bet on it. Take heart, less-orgasmic latter, because there’s a lot you can learn from your smug, smiling sisters. And besides, orgasms are like salted nuts at parties: once you know how to get at them, you can’t stop wanting them.

1. ORGASMIC WOMEN SEE THEMSELVES AS SEXUAL CREATURES
‘Women who orgasm frequently and with ease are women who’ve claimed the right to be sexual in a culture that still regards female sexuality as taboo,’ says Wasserman. For those who’ve grown up in an environment where sex isn’t talked about and strong, sexual, female role models are lacking, learning to assert one’s sexuality takes practice.

HOW TO GET THERE Something we should all be doing: talking honestly and openly about sex. Find someone you feel comfortable talking to – an open-minded friend or counsellor – and start by asking questions. Read about empowered women who’ve overcome sexual problems and find out what makes them sexually assertive. Sexual abuse can block your ability to orgasm and, while loving relationships can help heal emotional scars, therapy is advisable. Illness can also impair your sexual functioning, so see your doctor if you suspect it’s a factor.

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2. THEY’RE COMFY WITH THEIR BODIES
Orgasmic women aren’t all Instagram nude-selfie stars, but they have an acceptance of their bodies and an innate sense of their own sexiness. ‘Successfully orgasmic women are in touch with their bodies and confident with their sexuality,’ says Wasserman. An issue with an aspect of your body, such as cellulite, can prevent you from having orgasms.

HOW TO GET THERE Boost your body confidence by keeping yourself fit, healthy and groomed, but learn to accept and make the most of what you can’t change. Get regular reality checks at public swimming pools or beaches, where real people’s bodies are on show. Learn to feel comfortable with your own nudity, spending quiet times lying naked on your bed or in the bath.

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3. THEY UNDERSTAND HOW THEIR BODIES WORK
Do you know exactly where your clitoris is and what it does during sex? Bet you didn’t know this: it swells and becomes erect not only when you’re aroused but every 90 minutes while you’re asleep. To experience your body fully, you need to educate yourself on its inner workings.

HOW TO GET THERE Discover what creates an orgasm by reading guides such as Dr Miriam Stoppard’s Woman’s Body: A Manual for Life (Dorling Kindersley) or The Sex Book (Cassell Illustrated), by visiting health and sex websites, or watching educational videos. Next, explore your body with the help of a mirror.

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4. THEY KNOW WHAT TURNS THEM ON
Through experience and experimentation, orgasmic women have learnt what pushes their ‘O’ buttons, whether it’s having their necks nibbled by a man wearing Emporio Armani Diamonds for Men, or the intimacy of the good old missionary position.

HOW TO GET THERE ‘Masturbation is the best way to learn how to achieve orgasm,’ says women’s health expert Dr Miriam Stoppard. First, ensure you’re in an atmosphere of privacy, relaxation and fun. Stimulate yourself, moving from head to toe, before focusing on your erogenous hot spots. Try various techniques, such as stroking yourself with underwear, pushing a pillow between your legs or using a vibrator. Venture down new avenues, from erotic literature and raunchy videos to women’s groups in which you’ll be encouraged to unleash your va-va-voom. For most women, psychological cues are crucial to satisfying sex, so don’t only focus on the physical. See sex as a holistic experience, not merely a matter of foreplay followed by penetration. Practise awakening your senses with your partner by massaging each other without genital contact, and test-drive new positions to discover which ones rev your motor.

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5. THEIR SEXUALITY IS NOT DEFINED BY MEN
The orgasmic woman’s sexuality isn’t dependent on someone else. It comes from her.

HOW TO GET THERE Create a unique erotic relationship with yourself. Set time aside for ‘sex for one’ – and make an effort to keep it interesting. If that means investing in a stock of fluorescent, studded vibrators or sexy lingerie, do it.

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6. THEY ARE PICKY ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PARTNERS
A good sexual partner is patient and considerate and doesn’t pressurise you to orgasm to prove his own virility. Pressure, Wasserman warns, inhibits your ability to orgasm. You need to have the freedom to discuss possible reasons why you’re blocking an orgasm with your partner. If you aren’t able to do this in a relationship, it’s likely that other, non-sexual obstacles to intimacy will crop up later.

HOW TO GET THERE Stick with men who can offer you honesty and intimacy. Don’t waste your time on the rest.

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7. THEY TELL MEN WHAT THEY WANT
Orgasmic women tell men what to do to get them to orgasm. Therefore, the ability to communicate with a man and teach him how to touch you is a life skill you can’t do without. Sex and the City’s Kim Cattrall confessed in Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm (Warner Books) that she suffered unsatisfying sex for two decades. Although she experienced some pleasure during intercourse, she never reached orgasm. She threw herself instead into her work and family, and bitched about the lack of decent men – until she met her husband, and learnt about communication and honesty.

HOW TO GET THERE Learn to be an active rather than a passive partner. Say, ‘I love it when you… It really turns me on.’ (People respond brilliantly to praise.) And gently guide his hand if he’s getting it wrong. Start being more assertive in other areas in your life – tell people what you want and let them know if they overstep boundaries.

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8. THEY DON’T FAKE IT
Orgasmic women don’t put pressure on themselves to orgasm. Sometimes a warm and fuzzy, sensual experience without a spectacular climax satisfies them. If so, they don’t feel the need to fake it.

HOW TO GET THERE Remind yourself that every faked orgasm is a wasted opportunity to teach your man what you want. You may think you’re boosting his ego or sparing him guilt, but dishonesty is insulting and far less rewarding in the long term for you both.

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9. THEY FANTASISE
Whether you’re on a solo sexual exploration or with a partner, a rich fantasy life will keep your arousal levels high. Orgasmic women take responsibility for keeping their sex lives fresh by constantly creating new fantasies.

HOW TO GET THERE Cultivate a few shamelessly erotic scenes to play like movies in your head. They’re fictional, so make them as far-fetched as you like.

10. THEY ARE NOT AFRAID TO LEAVE A SEXUALLY UNSATISFYING RELATIONSHIP
Super-orgasmic women don’t stick around with men who can’t (or won’t) give them what they need sexually. It’s simply too important to them.
HOW TO GET THERE Start valuing your own sexuality and you’ll realise it isn’t something you should readily compromise.