The Call Back

If the first date was just ‘ok’, should you agree to a second date?

Who doesn’t love a first date? Pre-date excitement followed by post-date giddiness, and those fluttering butterflies in the stomach. But what if the date didn’t go as well as you’d hoped it would. It wasn’t mind blowing, but it wasn’t bad either; just, ok. Should you say ‘yes’ to a second date?

Ramon Thomas, South Africa’s leading dating coach, feels because everyone is so busy these days, there is very little motivation for second dates – especially in a world dominated by social networking websites, which can ultimately be viewed as free versions of online dating sites. He says we need to ask ourselves if there was any quality we saw in our date that will allow for a new or different experience with him in future.

‘Women in the 21st century have lost touch with their feminine energy or intuition as some would say,’ says Thomas. ‘And this has made them doubt their own instincts.’ Instincts, Thomas says, that are far more superior to those of men for various evolutionary, psychological reasons.

Jenny Ceresteo, owner of speed dating company SMARTdate, says we generally want a first date to work out. As a result of this primal need, there are often little things we choose to ignore because we’re likely to be in a good mood at the time. We’re all inclined to pros and cons lists, because they work (most of the time). But here are a few things Ceresteo feels we should also consider if we’re a bit ‘iffy’…

– You were very nervous. Conversation will more than likely have more substance than it did the first time round.
– You thought he was lucky to get the first date, i.e. you were judgemental before you actually met him.
– You or he was stressed after the day’s work.
– You tend to be chattier than your dates. It’s possible you didn’t hear enough to like him enough. Go, with the resolve to listen.

– You’re worried of letting go of a good thing because second dates rarely come around. This could be the gateway to spending the next five years of your life trying to make a bad relationship work.

Most people are so nervous on a first date it makes it hard to have a good time. The second time around, there’s less pressure so maybe things will go better. You can use the second date to find answers to the things you’re unsure of. If your first date was a cup of coffee, use the second one to do something different, something that gives the two of you time to chat and learn a little more about each other. If you’re not ready for dinner and drinks, make a lunch date – getting back to your desk gives you an excuse to leave early. A mediocre first date doesn’t necessarily mean there’s no chance of a potential relationship.

Ceresto says if you’re still uncertain, remember these two things: desperation will overshadow anything; and trust your intuition.