Rule Of Tongue

Apart from being a relatively fun thing to do, kissing can also reveal info about his personality

A good kiss can be more intimate than sex. It can also tell you loads about his personality – and yours. If you’ve watched the movie Hitch, you’ll remember the claim that 80% of women expect their first kiss with a guy to tell them everything they need to know about him. Watch out for these tells:

If he’s more confident and assertive than you are, he’ll probably be the first to offer tongue, says Johannesburg psychologist and relationship counsellor Hanlie Raath. If it feels to you like he’s wrestling with pythons, he could be too assertive for you. (Or perhaps he’s just not very skilled.) If you want to show him your fun, fearless, confident side, take the lead and initiate the kiss yourself.


If he kisses softly, it could be a prelude to how he’ll treat you in other aspects of your relationship. But Cape Town counselling psychologist Jodie Franco warns you not to be swept away by the moment and make dangerous assumptions on the basis of a kiss. ‘If he kisses you tenderly but kicks your dog, you’ll have to adapt your idea of an idyllic future with him,’ she says.


Jessica Simpson always keeps her eyes open during a kiss but some people find it too intimate. Keeping your eyes on each other heightens arousal, says Franco, and suggests that you’re intensely sexual and ready for adventure. Someone who kisses with closed eyes is probably more traditional and straight-laced.

Dr Julian Greenwood from Starnmillis University College in Belfast, Northern Ireland, carried out a study to see whether the direction of head tilt during a kiss revealed personality traits. He found that 80% of men and women tilt to the right, regardless of whether they’re right- or left-handed. ‘By turning the head to the right, the individual reveals his or her left cheek, which is controlled by the emotive right cerebral hemisphere,’ says Greenwood. This means they’re likely more emotional in displaying affection than the remaining 20% who lean to the left.


A groping, breathy kisser isn’t necessarily auditioning to be a porn star or having an asthma attack – he could be the kind of guy who always gets what he wants. He’s genuinely aroused, says Franco – but if the breathing and groping escalates, it may show that he’s in a hurry and feeling overwhelmed. Tone things down from your side: pull away, then try again.


These four smooch styles suck – some literally!
THE WHALE is all tongue, all the time. This kissing style isn’t subtle; it’s a strategic kiss that smacks of desperation and hints he’s overbearing and overdemonstrative.
THE WASHING MACHINE takes you into an unpleasant kiss overload – he may be trying to demonstrate his skills but just doesn’t know which move to pull first.
THE GOLDFISH kiss lacks emotion. This guy is probably shy and reserved – he has some experience but hopes you’ll take the lead and show him what you like.
THE BITER can be kinky but an aggressive kiss that borders on sadomasochism hints that he may see you as little more than a possession.