Comparison Syndrome

Judging how your relationship is going by comparing it with your friends relationships isnt helpful. As relationship counsellor Ron Perry says, Were always scanning the horizon thinking someone else has it better, even though thats rarely so. Heres how to

If your boyfriend proposed to you in a food aisle at Pick n Pay during your monthly shop, while your friend’s fiancé hired a plane and traced ‘Will you marry me?’ across the sky, you might feel a little short-changed. But keep in mind these grand gestures aren’t a realistic measure of how well a relationship is working. If you are still worried, write a list of pros and cons about your partner (and your relationship). If the pros outweigh the cons, chances are you have a good, healthy relationship.


They’ve been together for years but they still finish each other’s sentences and laugh at each other’s jokes. But when it comes to relationships it’s not necessarily how much you talk to each other that counts. ‘Don’t try to turn every male into a fabulous communicator,’ says Perry. If you want to improve communication in your relationship, decide what communication means to you and set some priorities.

Every relationship has its natural pace. Trying to speed it up to keep up with your friends could have the opposite effect – it might send him running. We always want what we don’t have, and with big commitments comes big pressure. Ask yourself whether you really want to get serious or married now … or would you rather meet The One later in life, after you’ve had your fun?

Everyone knows couples who feel each other up in public and brag about their mind-blowing bedroom antics. Before you assume their relationship must be full of a passion that’s lacking in your own, remember people often bend the truth when it comes to sex. ‘Insecure people who want to convince themselves that their relationship is perfect often give off those lovey-dovey vibes to fool others,’ says Christine Webber, psychotherapist and author of How To Mend A Broken Heart (Help Yourself). The advice is simple – learn to ignore it. Start up a conversation with your girlfriends about the worst sex they’ve ever had with their partners. You’ll soon realise that things aren’t perfect after all.