1. Please do not act like you’re doing her a favour. Girls can tell when you’re just doing a lot of foreplay because you feel like you want a damn medal, and when you’re doing it because you genuinely enjoy it and you genuinely want her to enjoy it. Please do not wait for that medal, as it will never come.
2. Yeah, don’t make it last as long as an advert for chewing gum. If your idea of foreplay is kissing her neck for three minutes and then swiftly rubbing her clit, that probably won’t end well for either one of you.
3. Definitely do not skip it entirely because you think it doesn’t matter. Oh my god, it matters. That is the whole reason I am writing this. If you need to take a class or Google it, please do. Because it matters and trust me, she will thank you.
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4. Ideally, do not remain completely silent like a monk. I’m not trying to dismiss guys who are really quiet during sex, because that has its place too, but man, the power of talking during foreplay cannot be underestimated. Even if it’s small noises instead of full-blown descriptions of what you’re doing, the sound of your voice can be a huge turn-on.
5. Don’t ignore her breasts just because they’re not her vagina. A lot of things are not our vagina and they still need to be incorporated. Really, I’d recommend incorporating as many different non-vagina parts as you can into foreplay, but particularly breasts.
6. Try not to be as aggressive and handsy as you want to be. Just not at first! Again, this might work for some, but the slower and gentler and more deliberate you are, the more her body will register the subtle sensations you’ve created, and when it comes to foreplay, subtle is really pretty much the name of the game.
7. If she’s cool with it, let her kick back while you undress her. Yeah, sometimes it’s easier just to awkwardly remove her tights and skinny jeans herself, but if she’s all right with it, take off her clothes for her. This so rarely happens anymore but it can be incredibly hot.
8. Try not to stare at her like a weirdo to see if she’s enjoying it. From time to time, guys will think it’s a great idea to finger women while they stare at her like they’re waiting for the results from a pregnancy test, and it is too much pressure and takes us right the hell out of it. Kiss us or doing something simultaneously, thanks.
9. It’d be great if you didn’t just totally ignore what she’s wearing. If she’s wearing some stupidly sexy underwear, it’s probably for your benefit and also that shit is, like, R900 per square centimetre, I swear. So just at least acknowledge that so I didn’t blow my rent money for something you took off and threw on the ground. <3
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This article was originally published on cosmopolitan.com