1. “Maybe you should just try not dating for a while.” No one would ever tell you this with jobs. “Oh, you can’t find your dream job? Maybe you should just be unemployed for a few years!” Cool advice.
2. “Have you been on Tinder? Everyone’s on there!” Yes, and I’ve seen most of their unsolicited dick pics. Pass.
3. “Let him find YOU.” I would but I’m pretty sure he’s asleep or doesn’t have GPS because that has not happened yet.
4. “You’re just being too picky.” You’re right. I should settle for “has a pulse” and “watches TV, any channel.”
5. “When you stop looking, you’ll find someone.” Let’s just accept the fact that I am always looking, OK? I’m a human being and love is rad. I’m looking.
6. “Get a hobby instead.” This advice is actually pretty good because you’ll still be single, but you can also knit a blanket.
7. “You won’t meet a good man if you’re sleeping around.” Then why haven’t women not collectively moved to a nunnery so we can calmly wait for The Men there together? Zzzz.
8. “Why are you so worried about finding someone? There are bigger problems in the world.” First of all, you’ve been with Jim since high school so you got lucky, and second, it’s not like I’m writing the president and asking him to solve the national crisis of me being single. Chill.
9. “You can’t meet anyone good at a bar.” But I can meet them on a website where they posted one mirror selfie and a list of three movies they like along with an eggplant emoji?
10. “You should go to one of those singles’ nights!” First of all, these are hardly a thing in NYC, but even if they are a thing in some other city, I would bet four of the stale cookies they probably serve there that even if your soul mate were there, he’d be too depressed by his surroundings to talk to you.
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11. “Just go on a million dates and have fun!” I’ve definitely done the first part. The second part, however…
12. “Don’t you have any friends who can set you up?” Yes, I do. Hello, friend.
This post originally appeared on cosmopolitan.com