You’re a month in (or a week, or a day… you do you, girl) and you and your new bae decide to take it to the next level and have some good ol’ fashion ~*sex*~. You’ve seen his penis, you’ve felt it rubbing up on your thigh during a dry-humping sesh (which is making a comeback btw), yet.. when it comes to doing the deed, it suddenly seems a little sad.
Let’s be frank: we’ve all had a penis go flaccid on us before. While for many of us our immediate response may be to panic, YOU MUST NOT. You’re beautiful and whimsical and amazing. If his efforts to console you aren’t good enough, perhaps a fellow named Michael Castleman can. According to Psychology Today, Castleman has written about sex and sex research for almost 40 years and is all about answering those niggling sex questions we all have. In response to the concerns of a man who had recently gotten married to a woman with whom he’d yet to shtoop, Castleman explained a phenomenon known as ‘transition anxiety’. Castleman says that while this scenario is commonly known as performance anxiety, transition anxiety is a more apt description of it, since often the adjustment from solo sex (masturbation) to partner sex can be a difficult one.
‘The transition is not automatic and may cause problems, including erection difficulties in young men,’ Castleman said. ‘Masturbation and partner lovemaking are both “sex,” but they’re very different. In masturbation, the only person you have to please is yourself, and that’s pretty easy. You get immediate feedback as you touch yourself, and can quickly adjust your strokes however you wish.But in partner lovemaking, you’re no longer solo and no longer in the realm of fantasy.’
If you can relate to this scenario and want to help your man through it, Castleman has a few suggestions.
- If you and your partner haven’t had medical check-ups in a while, start there. Be honest with your doc about your concerns.
- Lay off the booze. Anxiety is hard enough on a penis without the looming threat of whiskey dick.
- Take your time with foreplay and start out gently.
- When you finally do start having sex, Castleman recommends woman-on-top as it works best for ‘firm erections’ and is less stressful on the guy because he doesn’t have to be as in control as he would be during missionary.
- Don’t strive for simultaneous orgasms (which are usually highly improbable at best for any of us).
Now go forth and enjoy!
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