Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally attracted to a narcissist.
Before we spiral too far, it’s important to understand why it is that we are so often drawn to narcissists. According to an article in Psychology Today by Wendy L Patrick, Ph.D., the reasons behind it are plentiful. ‘Narcissists are often good looking, exciting, charming, and in possession of both status and resources—making them attractive prospects for both short and long term relationships.’
Despite these qualities, the negatives can often be tiresome. If you have your heart set on making it work with a narcissistic lover, Patrick suggests recognising why you were attracted to them in the first place:
1 Pot, Kettle, Narcissist?
According to Patrick, multiple studies have found that participants are often attracted to people with similar levels of narcissism. ‘As birds of a feather flock together, narcissistic men look good to narcissistic women.’
2 In it to Fling it
‘Healthy relationships involve an investment of time, attention, and emotion,’ Patrick explains. ‘Narcissistic relationships don’t. Perhaps that is why, at least in the short term, they might work out.’
The 2015 study, titled ‘Who is open to a narcissistic romantic partner’, found that narcissists expect less warmth and care from a romantic relationship than a non-narcissist.
3 Relationship Status
While narcissists suit flings perfectly, a study done in 2015 found that women who are looking for a partner to marry are also attracted to people with narcissistic traits. ‘They explain that narcissism, despite its negative manifestations, has qualities linked with resource provision and status—which are desirable in both short and long term relationships,’ Patrick explains.
According to Patrick though, it’s important to keep in mind that narcissists won’t automatically become suited to long term commitment simply because they’ve gotten married. ‘Many of the factors that render narcissistic males poor marriage material are not immediately evident.’
The trick? Get to know your partner damn well before walking down the aisle.
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