Talking dirty is an effing skill. Sure, it’s easy to sext something superhot behind a screen, but when you are actually together IRL and have to say it out loud? That can be intimidating AF.
The good news: It’s super tough to say the wrong thing when you’re talking dirty. After all, you’re really just describing what you want to do to this person, what you like, what makes you feel good, etc.
Of course, in the throes of passion, mental hang-ups happen. No one will blame you for saying something offbeat in the heat of the moment. You’re only human, and it happens to everyone. The worst-case scenario is that you and your partner laugh it off together. In case you need some inspo, here are some of our best tips.
So, how do you actually pull off dirty talk?
Sext like you normally would but, this time, in person—and using your partner’s body as a (v naked) reference. How? Lie down with your bae and seductively strip off their clothes piece by piece. Ask them to touch one of their own body parts, like, say, their inner thigh. Then tell them exactly how you would pleasure that spot.
Be as creative and detailed as you would via text, like: “Imagine my mouth kissing exactly where you’re touching. My nails are lightly stroking up and down the inside of your thighs.” Keep the fun going with other body parts until your partner is legit begging to feel you, at which point, you’ll ditch the words too.
Six dudes on what they love hearing during sexy time
‘I’m really into the woman I’m with telling me how bad she is being for doing whatever she’s doing.’ —Nick, 27
‘I love it when my girlfriend asks me ‘Do you like that?’ softly as she’s going down on me. It’s so sexy.’ —Casey*, 25
‘The hottest thing a woman has ever said in the bedroom would be asking me to take her from behind or any instance where she asks specifically for what she wants.’ —Andrew*, 21
‘This woman told me ‘I didn’t know men could last this long’ and it made me feel real good about myself.’ —Will*, 36
‘Honestly, any time a woman calls me daddy.’ —Sean*, 26
‘Come for me.’ This sort of positive reinforcement makes a difference.’—Xander, 27
And as for what not to say? Our dude Xander breaks it down
‘You remind me of my ex when you do that.’
Everyone has a mental highlight reel when it comes to their history of getting down and dirty. But please, for the love of all things delicate (like our fragile male egos), when the sex deed is already underway, do him a favor and spare him the play-by-play of your sex life leading up to that moment. There will be plenty of time to get into all that during the honeymoon.
‘You’re so big.’
But what if he’s not and he can tell you’re just being a good sport? Yeah, of course some men want to hear this, but don’t say it if it feels like a polite necessity. Self-perception is a real thing—well, for most men—and by the time you two find yourselves tangled in a fit of passion and human limbs, he’ll likely have already come to the realization of whether or not he’s well-endowed.
‘Your body is a wonderland.’
A famous quote said by no one, ever: ‘Nothing gets me going like John Mayer lyrics.’ And for the most part, the same goes with incorporating any song lyrics into your dirty talk. That means no ‘I wanna, lick you from yo’ head to yo’ toes’ and no ‘My neck, my back, lick my….’ You get it.
*Name has been changed.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan US