1. You find yourself thinking, He would be absolutely perfect if he just didn’t do that disgusting thing where he scratches his teeth on his fork when he eats. If tiny little annoyances are becoming a big deal in your relationship, you probably have some bigger problems to address. Not that you have to love every little thing about your partner, but, like, some things shouldn’t get to you.
2. You’re just staying in the relationship because watching him play basketball with his stupid friends every weekend is better than spending Saturday nights alone on the couch, eating microwave meals and watching some Netflix series you’ve already seen. Being mildly bored alone is always so much better than being bored and unhappy in a relationship just because it feels safe and convenient.
3. You find yourself fantasising about how you’d be a total #BossBitch if you weren’t always having to spend time with your partner. Either you’re incredibly (and maybe unhealthily) obsessed with work and need to chill out a little, or you are so unhappy in your relationship that you’d literally rather be doing a job that you only do because someone pays you money to do it. Yikes.
4. When someone says the phrase, ‘the one who got away,’ you immediately think about another guy. People in happy relationships don’t pine after the ones who got away — it’s OK for exes to hold special places in your heart, but they shouldn’t feel like a better option to the poor dude you’re currently dating. It’s unfair to everyone involved.
5. You don’t feel that guilty when you think about maybe accidentally just once cheating on your partner. Another thing people in happy (monogamous) relationships don’t do is cheat on their partners. And hey, even monogamous couples slip up and recover. But you should make each other happy enough that the idea of sleeping with someone else isn’t your biggest turn-on.
6. It feels like there’s a constant imbalance of feelings, and it definitely feels like he’s the one who likes you way more. It’s normal for one person to be more into the other — relationships are dynamic and so are the feelings involved with them. But if he’s always being like, ‘I love you, babe,’ and you’re like, ‘Yeah, totally, you’re cool, haha,’ then that’s no good.
7. You sometimes secretly wish they would just end things with you, so at least you wouldn’t have to live with the crazy anxiety you have anytime you think about breaking up with them. Yeah, breakups are scary and terrible and are maybe the worst things that can happen to people sometimes, but if this is someone you theoretically love, you shouldn’t be waiting for the moment they finally realize you’re just not into it and break things off.
8. When you see that they texted you three times in a row about the really cute dog they just saw on the sidewalk, you don’t get excited about replying or talking to them. If your text conversations are purely for making plans to hang out or bone, and you don’t feel excited to talk to them about random things you see throughout your day, this relationship is on the fast path to becoming burdensome.
9. You regularly feel like blowing off plans with your partner for plans with your friends, or even worse, plans to just be alone. It’s very healthy to spend time with people who aren’t your boyfriend or girlfriend, but if you’d rather be doing literally anything else than hanging out with them more than once a week, that’s super unfair to both of you.
10. Just when you think about breaking up, you stop yourself because the idea of starting all over from scratch with someone else seems too damn exhausting. Finding someone you actually like, figuring out you sorta love them, and then getting comfortable enough to just be your human self around them takes so long and it only gets harder with age (I’m so sorry!). But that’s no reason to give up just because you’re pretty comfortable and ‘meh’ about the person you’re currently with. Every one deserves more than that.
11. You feel noticeably less interested in sex than you did a month or two ago, and you don’t feel like it’s getting any better at all. People like to write off sex as a less-important component of a relationship, but it’s incredibly important and can serve as a good litmus test for other problems you might be having. You should be sexually attracted to your partner, and when sex starts feeling like a burden, that’s a pretty good indicator that something is wrong.
12. The most exciting thing that’s happened to you in the past few weeks is when you talked for an hour to a really cute guy at that house party. It’s totally cool to engage in some harmless flirting from time to time — people are people, and most people are always thinking about sexing each other. But if it’s been weeks and you still can’t get Craig from Matt’s party off your mind, you probably like Craig more than the guy you’re dating.
13. Your friends say things to you like, ‘Are you sure he’s what you want?’ Unless your friends are complete assholes, they probably wouldn’t be expressing doubt in your relationship unless they were truly worried about your happiness. They love you and would hate for you to end up with someone who is less than what you want or deserve. Pay attention when your friends say things like this — they’re just trying to help.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com