An incredibly convenient thing about being on the receiving end of oral sex is that your mouth is free to do all the talking and bossing around that you please. It’s a blessing in so many ways. Don’t let this mouth privilege go to waste — take advantage of it by using your genital-free mouth to tell your partner exactly what you want and how you want it! And just in case the thought of giving your partner a blueprint to your vagina and your clitoris gives you the crawlies, take some advice from Real Life Women who have strategic and effective ways of getting exactly the oral you want and deserve. Life is too short for bad oral sex. Ask and you shall receive…
1. Give precise directions — ‘Up. To the left. Higher. Down. To the right.’ Men don’t like asking for directions, so just give him unsolicited directions.
2. Couch instructions in the form of a compliment. Say something like, ‘I love it when you X, can you do that?’ If you’re unsure about saying something like, ‘Hey, I hate that, please stop and do something else,’ just pretend your instructions are actually a compliment. He’ll never notice!
3. I think all men secretly want to be bossed around in bed. Tell him exactly what you want. They might not tell you they want this, but they do. Or maybe they don’t yet know that they do. Either way, go for it.
4. Turn your guidance into foreplay by telling him what you want him to do before your clothes are even off. Think of it like sexting IRL. Give him detailed instructions to get both of you all horned up, and them set him free to go to town on your vagina with his mouth.
5. Use pressure. Put your hand on his head and when he’s doing something really great, squeeze harder, pull his hair … anything to show that you like that thing he’s doing right now. If words aren’t your thing, don’t use any!
6. Know the difference between all the shapes he could make with his tongue. Wide and flat feels different to when it’s pointy. Figuring out what you like better can help you tell him specifically what you want. This is like Oral Sex 2.0 — but seriously, the tongue is a crazy-amazing muscle. Make the most of that sucker by knowing what you like it to do.
7. Gently move his head until he’s in a spot that feels good, and then leave him there. Don’t jerk his head around so hard you break his neck (awkward reason to wind up in the emergency room, TBH), but sorta gently push or pull it around until it’s in exactly the right spot. You’ll know when that is.
8. If they’re switching things up a lot, like oral roulette or something, wait until they’re in a good spot and then affirm that it feels good. Something we know about men: they like to change the TV channels a lot, and sometimes this seeps into their oral-sex behaviours. Make him stop when he lands on a channel you like and then keep him there until … you know.
9. Work instructions into dirty talk. Say something like, ‘I love when you flick your tongue on my clit.’ Even if they aren’t doing it right then, they’ll probably start doing that just because they know you like it. This is like reverse psychology. Tell your partner you like what he’s doing even if he isn’t doing it, and boom, maybe he will start doing it.
10. Move your own hips around until his mouth lines up with a good spot, then say something to make him realise he’s in a good spot. Like, ‘Yes, right there.’ If you pull this off, your partner will think he’s found this magical spot all on his own.
This post originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com