Let’s be honest – sex gets better with time. In the beginning, it’s all fumbling in silence, weird hair pulling and lots of lying around afterwards asking yourself, ‘Is that it?’ A far cry from the stories/romance novels/porn you’d seen where everyone panted their way to sweaty enlightenment.
Eventually confidence builds up, and things start to make more sense. You figure out what works and what doesn’t (we’re talking to you, shower sex). You live and you learn. Don’t you wish you’d known all that stuff when you started?
Here are the sex tips we want to go back and tell our younger selves (please pass on to other newcomers).
Wait, that’s not clear enough. LUBE. At first, lube seems like something reserved for creepy teenage boys alone in their room/people who are getting extra creative in the bedroom. The truth? Lube makes everything better, for both of you, all the time. Buy it like it’s toothpaste.
2. Pee Afterwards
A few rounds of sexy time after a dry spell? Two words: bladder infection. It happens. To avoid it, make sure you pee after sex, to help dislodge the bacteria pushed up into your urethra (it’s science). Oh, and don’t urinate before sex – you need to have a full bladder to wash the bacteria away afterwards, says New York City urologist David Kaufman on Yahoo.com.
3. Orgasms Aren’t a Guarantee
In every movie sex scene ever, there’s the arched-backed, head-tilted scream of delight as the woman comes. Please don’t use that as a benchmark. Sometimes it’s not all that great. Sometimes you don’t orgasm. In fact, that usually only gets more likely as you learn what you want and know how to ask for it. Don’t let not having an orgasm freak you out. You’ll get it next time.
4. Stop Questioning the Stuff That Turns You On
For so long we worry about the things that make us hot. Is it too weird? Can I ask for it? Where will I even find a a dozen battery-operated rubber ducks? Just stop. What you like is what you like. You do you.
5. Things are Going to Get Noisy. Roll with It
No-one ever tells you about the weird noises you’re going to hear when you go to town (and, actually, afterwards). But there is a lot of queefing, snorting, breathing and other delightful sounds. Think a kid who just learnt to armpit fart and burp at the same time. You’re not weird, it’s totally normal.
6. Use a Condom
We don’t really need to reiterate that one, right? Well, just in case. Do, every time.
7. If You’re Hating it, Stop it
Look, there is no point in lying there moaning happily if you’re sore and uncomfortable. We have way too much bad sex in the early years because we don’t want to be the one to call it a day. For the love of Lena, please stop! If it’s not working and you hate it, just say ‘you know, I’m a little sore, let’s stop’ and move on. Or you risk looking back at all the hours you wasted getting your head bashed against a headboard.
8. Don’t Overthink it
Nothing ruins perfectly good sex like getting inside your head, asking all the questions. How do I look? Is it too cold in here? What’s he thinking? Should I turn off the light? Where do I look when he’s going down on me? Just get lost a little in the moment.
9. He Really Doesn’t Care
Man, the hours we could have saved if someone had just told us that he really doesn’t care how tanned we are, what’s going on on our bikini line, or just how lacey our panties are. You know what he cares about? The fact that you’re letting him put his P in your V. That is all.
10. We Mentioned Lube, Right?