If I had to guess, I’d say your pre-social distancing weekday sex probably looked something like this: non-existent. Sure, you may have made time for the occasional quickie that inevitably made you late for work, but my point is that sex probs looked a lot different a month ago compared to how it’s going to evolve (esp if you’re one of the many people suddenly working from home indefinitely).
You and your coworker—err, sorry, I mean S.O.—are probs being forced to navigate the realm of ‘working’ together in a shared space (read: when your partner takes conference calls in the living room, you resort to your new office space…in the bathroom).
But maybe, just maybe, despite wanting to rip your partner’s head off for how horrifying their ‘working voice’ is, the one benefit to all this newfound quality time spent with your S.O. is allllll of the sex.
I’m not talking about your normal sex; I’m talking about the new sex that’s about to awaken inside of you. Now is the time to get creative, super freaky, and extra kinky, because if we’re being honest, what better time to explore sexual fantasies than when you have all the time in the world to do just that?
Plus, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about anymore anyway. You’ve seen your S.O. fart in front of you, they’ve seen you in the same undies two days in a row. It’s truly NBD.
And since the line for embarrassing and/or awkward moments has dropped significantly, you might as well start bringing up the fact that you want to live out your IRL mummy fantasy (no judgement, peak Brendan Fraser was a hottie).
Say it with me now: Afternoon delight. There was a whole song written about how f*cking splendid it is—and now you can actually have it. Just make sure your Zoom meeting is over and your camera is turned off for, like, obvious reasons.
Another point: When you’re stress cleaning and doing a deep dive on your closet, you’ll probably find the sexy couple costume you wore last Halloween. And yes, now is the time to do something with that blonde bob wig because really, the possibilities are endless (think: Elle Woods, Drew Barrymore a la Scream, or even ‘Karen’ talking to customer service).
As for sexy ~props~ to add to your bedtime play, might I suggest you try for some DIY bondage? Socks, ties, or scarves will def do the trick too. Hell, you can even leave your partner tied up in the name of BDSM if you just need some ‘me’ time too.
Or perhaps your quarantine cleaning led you to stumble upon some vibrators you forgot you had. Go you! But if you’re not as lucky, there are some home sex toys you can probs fool your partner into being a thing, like chip clips turned nipple clamps and makeshift belts as floggers. Oh, also: Your dog’s snores, which set the mood better than any Bruno Mars song I’ve heard.
Worst comes to worst, you can get extra creative. Maybe a sexy lil suggestion like, ‘Oh yeah baby, I didn’t just stock up on these beans for food, have you read about all the aphrodisiacs in these things?’ (Editor’s note: Yeah… no…not a thing.)
My point is this: We don’t know how long this lockdown will last, so might as well make the most out of our time stuck with our partners. Who knows, you might discover a kink that will last a lifetime. Or… you’ll breakup. I don’t know, I’m not a psychic. Just wash your hands, okay?
This post originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com
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