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9 Things People Don't Tell You About Moving Back Home

No more sneaky sleepovers.

Great! Just what you need; another listicle to help you feel sorry for yourself because you’ve had to move back home.

But hang on, before you roll your eyes and settle for another quiz (you know the one – the one that’ll help you find out what type of bread you are), take the time to humour yourself on what has seemingly become a right of passage in these trying economic times of ours.

In other words: grab your ‘avo sarmie’ and cuddle up to your ‘fur baby’ as you read through my personalised list of things people don’t tell you about moving back home.

1. No sneaky sleepover parties

You’re basically a nun (or monk) now, and every visitor who comes around the house will get googly eyes and an ‘ooh… who’s that?’

2. You’ll drink less… so it’s sort of like a rehabilitation centre: win-win?

While some of our parents may have grown to accommodate our decisions and sometimes dangerous flirtations with addiction, reaching for a glass of wine as often as you did when you lived alone is less likely. Though I may have the occasional drink while I’m out with friends, I don’t keep a stash of gin and tonic in the kitchen like I used to.

More like a hip flask and a cider every now and then in your bedroom.

3. You don’t actually save that much money, in fact, it could end up costing you more

Yes, you may not be paying any rent money or water and electricity bills, but there are always small costs involved and trust me there are. Out to the store? Great, you’ll receive a text to bring home a loaf of bread and some milk. Crazy night out? You may check your bank balance finding it’s not doing as bad as you thought and since you’re not paying for rent, you shout ‘shots!’ No matter how hard you may try saving, you end up spending far more than you intend, etching retirement off just that much farther, oh well, they don’t call us the avocado on toast generation for nothing!

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4. You’re the errand boy now. Like, for everything…

Oh, you’re going to the gym? ‘Do mind putting these curtains up before you go?’ ‘The car needs some washing,’ ‘grocery shopping needs to be done,’ ‘could you check the stove for a second?’ Just about every household task, you could think of needs doing, and guess who’s the perfect person to do them? Your non-rent-paying, bare-minimum grocery buying self!

5. There’s somewhat of a curfew

I mean not a curfew, curfew, like when you were a hormone-ridden teenager – but the kind where you can’t go missing for three days on an impromptu drive to Knysna and stay the entire weekend at Ben’s dad’s beach house simply because it’s PINK LOERIE!

You can’t quite come and go as you please anymore especially not at 2 am unless it’s summer (the rules don’t apply then).

6. Your life belongs to everyone, I mean everyone gets a piece of you.

You may as well wave a very hearty goodbye to personal space because your bedroom is the only place you get to call yours, and that’s if you’re lucky. If you’re me on the other hand, your mom will waltz into your room at all hours of the day plopping herself onto your bed (even though you’re so clearly sleeping) and start a deep conversation about life and things.

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7. There’s something less aesthetic about falling onto the duvet covers of your single bed than all the movies seem to offer.

It’s all fun and games until you’re sitting on your dolphin covers binge-watching series surrounded by your fluffy heart pillow from 4 years ago and the pink lamp bedside you used to keep by the side of your bed.

8. You’ll gain way too much weight

In between all the childhood foods you used to love, and the ‘oh goodness are those vetkoeks I smell?’ you’ll be slipping in more food than you realise and with that, ladies and gents, comes the weight gain.

9. You spend more time doing nothing than you realise

You’re running errands, meeting up with old friends, writing ‘to do’ lists, planning on doing said ‘to do’ lists but end up watching series instead. And then, there are other things you’ll start to notice. The full-length mirror isn’t as long as it used to be.

The bathtub seems smaller, the shower head is closer, and then, of course, it will hit you. You’ll realise the small town isn’t what’s changed at all, or what’s really to blame for you feeling largely out of place. But rather, it’s you. You’ve changed. You’ve been places and met people, and done things that no longer allow you to fit into the mould you once did ever so easily, instead, you’re like fish out of water, the same, but different and then lastly the wave of gratitude will hit you.

You’ll be grateful that you always have a place to call home, and not have to dent any more sofas around the country (not yet anyway… friends I’m coming for you!). That you have a family to call and people to talk to. In fact, I wouldn’t change the whole experience for anything.

Except maybe a bachelor pad in Sea Point. I’d definitely change it for that!

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