Our self-help columnist Athena Laz is a qualified psychologist and the creator of the self-help programme Own Your Inner Power. She works with women worldwide, helping them to reclaim their lives and their ability to feel good. You can see her work here.
I am consumed at the moment – I feel like I can’t relax because I want to know how things are going to turn out in my life. I’m dating someone new (I want to *know* if he is the one) and I’m in the process of launching a business (and I want to know that it will work out and be a huge success). What can I do to feel calmer?
It sounds like this time of transition is making you feel very stressed. Part of feeling calmer right now may simply be in recognising that perceived control and anxiety is unnecessary. Now I know that sounds simple, but sometimes it’s easier to think that if you stress, things will work out because you’ve ‘suffered enough’. Or that if you worry excessively that you will feel more prepared if things don’t work out in the way you want them to.
Angst can also act like a blanket emotion that distracts you from looking at any underlying fear you may be experiencing. What’s the fear if your business tanks or if he isn’t the one? Will it mean that you are a failure or that you are too old and will never find another partner? When you learn to realise your fears, to name them for what they are, the hold they have on you lessens. So take a deep breath and just think about what’s really going on for you. You’ve handled everything in your life up to this point; trust that you will be safe (in either outcome) during this time of transition and change.
5 Steps to feeling calmer
1 Get back into your body. Go for a walk, run, swim or dance – just do anything physical that will get you out of your mind and back into the present moment.
2 Access more support (sometimes just talking it out can help minimise your sense of worry).
3 Read this.
4 Practice meditating.
5 You have the inner power to let this process be easy, choose to own that.
P.S. Imagine if the world was working for you and not against you – how much more enjoyable would that be?
You can follow Athena on Instagram here and see more of her work at Athenalaz.com. You can also receive her free video course, designed to help you heal negative self-talk. If you have a question for Athena, e-mail her here.
Read more mind health