Telling people how much money you make or the number of orgasms you had last night used to be considered inappropriate. But in today’s confessional society, we’re encouraged to spill – or even brag – about all the good things that happen to us.
Trouble is, this oversharing has given rise to a new level of envy. ‘Status is much more important than it used to be, and we’re way more competitive,’ says Dr Jean Twenge, author of Generation Me (Free Press). ‘People want others to know they’re living well. And since there’s more pressure than ever to keep up, hearing intimate details of someone’s life can make you feel envious.’
Adding to the problem is our heightened level of brand awareness. When people wear their financial prosperity on their sleeve (sometimes literally), you know how much their wardrobe cost without their telling you. And since no COSMO girl should ever feel inferior, we’ve asked experts to explain why this new breed of envy is so toxic – and how you can cope.
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Rather than sitting around listening to a friend go on and on about her R50 000 bonus or the designer shoes she just scored on sale, re-route the conversation in a non-aggressive way. ‘If someone’s bragging, change the subject to something neutral that will grab her interest,’ suggests communication coach Peggy Klaus, author of Brag: The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It (Warner Business Books). For example, about her trip to Paris, say something like, ‘You’ll never believe who hooked up last weekend!’ If she doesn’t take the hint, try a more direct approach. ‘Tell her the topic makes you uncomfortable,’ says Klaus. Most people will respect your boundaries and shut it. |
*Names have been changed
